1 00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:09,346 Now, easy, boy. 2 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,143 Steady. Wait, whoa! 3 00:00:11,352 --> 00:00:14,412 Fucking wings! What's going on? 4 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:22,560 Fucking white horse! 5 00:01:29,831 --> 00:01:31,093 lt's not bad, dude. 6 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,392 Don't give up your day job. 7 00:01:41,409 --> 00:01:43,274 ls he Milli or Vanilli? 8 00:01:44,712 --> 00:01:46,771 You are a genius. 9 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,027 -Hey, Andy. -Yo, Eddie! 10 00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:09,226 Drinks on the house! 11 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,025 Hey, baby! 12 00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:45,299 Hollywood. 13 00:03:08,663 --> 00:03:09,721 Hold it! 14 00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:02,913 Hold it! 15 00:04:07,855 --> 00:04:10,221 -Thank you. -No problem. 16 00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:16,089 l'm in love. You're a fox, baby. 17 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:19,926 Not just a fox, but the fox of foxes! 18 00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:23,461 lf l was a hound dog, you wouldn't stand a chance. 19 00:04:23,671 --> 00:04:27,573 l'd be snapping at you day and night. 20 00:04:28,109 --> 00:04:29,599 l'm a snapper. 21 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,908 Edward Dash? 22 00:04:33,114 --> 00:04:34,809 -That's me. -Take a seat. 23 00:04:36,984 --> 00:04:38,008 Well, Mr. Dash... 24 00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:42,178 ...for your probation, you owe us 1 00 hours of community service. 25 00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:44,517 Let's see what we've got. 26 00:04:48,696 --> 00:04:51,756 The L.A. Housing Facility needs help with bricklaying. 27 00:04:51,966 --> 00:04:54,161 No laying bricks or stuff like that. 28 00:04:54,702 --> 00:04:56,602 l don't do that lifting shit. 29 00:04:56,804 --> 00:04:58,931 -Graffiti removal? -You heard what l said? 30 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:02,701 Does that preclude you from doing anything strenuous? 31 00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:05,378 Yes, it precludes me. 32 00:05:07,215 --> 00:05:10,480 We do have a few less strenuous activities. 33 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,176 But they involve helping the disadvantaged... 34 00:05:13,387 --> 00:05:15,514 ...and there are certain requirements. 35 00:05:15,723 --> 00:05:19,989 l can have a degree here in 24 hours. From Harvard! 36 00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:21,684 A degree isn't necessary. 37 00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:24,797 lt's a matter of patience and kindness. 38 00:05:24,999 --> 00:05:27,331 What they're looking for is a ''people person.'' 39 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,502 That's me. 40 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,228 Are you telling me you are a ''people person''? 41 00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:33,907 That's what l'm telling you. 42 00:05:38,012 --> 00:05:39,673 How about spending some time... 43 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,782 ...with a voluntary patient from the Rivington Clinic? 44 00:05:42,984 --> 00:05:43,814 No lifting? 45 00:05:44,018 --> 00:05:45,508 The Rivington is a sanitarium. 46 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,985 Your job would be to accompany the individual... 47 00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:51,658 ...to various therapeutic and cultural pursuits. 48 00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:55,693 l guess that means taking a patient to the ballet or museum. 49 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,559 Museum? l know a great one of those. 50 00:05:58,766 --> 00:05:58,833 I can handIe this. 51 00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:00,630 I can handIe this. 52 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:05,369 George, you've been ready for months to go back into the world. 53 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,131 But you have to feel ready. 54 00:06:07,341 --> 00:06:08,831 Do you feel ready, George? 55 00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:10,510 l don't know. 56 00:06:10,945 --> 00:06:12,071 He's not ready. 57 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:13,972 You're scared, aren't you? 58 00:06:14,181 --> 00:06:16,513 You're scared a girl will ask to see your mickey. 59 00:06:16,717 --> 00:06:18,275 That's enough, Brad. Let him talk. 60 00:06:18,486 --> 00:06:20,113 No, no, that's not it. 61 00:06:20,521 --> 00:06:23,615 He's just scared of lying. lsn't that right, Pinoc? 62 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:29,025 And then his nose starts growing. l hate when that happens. 63 00:06:30,031 --> 00:06:32,932 Are you afraid you might start to lie again, George? 64 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:38,565 What's a pathological liar going to say? ''Now l'm going to lie''? 65 00:06:38,873 --> 00:06:42,036 Yesterday, you couldn't wait to go. Do you remember? 66 00:06:42,243 --> 00:06:44,973 You said, ''l'm a-ready, Teddy-o!'' 67 00:06:45,346 --> 00:06:47,473 What did you say yesterday? 68 00:06:47,815 --> 00:06:49,112 l'm a-ready, Teddy-o. 69 00:06:52,086 --> 00:06:55,578 Hit the deck! lncoming! 70 00:06:56,424 --> 00:06:57,914 Why are you afraid, George? 71 00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:01,026 Why can't l just stay here? 72 00:07:01,228 --> 00:07:03,128 Why do l have to go? l like it here. 73 00:07:03,431 --> 00:07:05,490 -l feel safe here. -American 357. 74 00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:06,724 Why can't l stay? 75 00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:09,164 Definitely U.S. Air. Excellent airline. 76 00:07:09,370 --> 00:07:11,065 Flight 202 from Baltimore. 77 00:07:12,273 --> 00:07:14,935 There's a nice young man coming here... 78 00:07:15,142 --> 00:07:18,669 ...to take you to find you an apartment and a job. 79 00:07:18,879 --> 00:07:21,143 You're looking forward to that, aren't you? 80 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:31,516 He's afraid he'll see his girlfriend and won't be able to get it up. 81 00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:33,159 -No, l'm not. -ls that it, George? 82 00:07:34,528 --> 00:07:35,790 Anyway, she dumped me. 83 00:07:36,097 --> 00:07:39,692 She dumped you because you said you were a brain surgeon! 84 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,424 l did not say that. 85 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,602 What'd you tell her? 86 00:07:42,803 --> 00:07:44,270 A commando in the Navy Seals. 87 00:07:46,707 --> 00:07:49,369 Why do you feel you always had to lie to her? 88 00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:56,349 She wouldn't have looked at me twice if l said l was a Volvo salesman. 89 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,814 Excuse me, sir. l hate to bother you. 90 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,181 l know you're busy with the therapy. 91 00:08:01,389 --> 00:08:02,879 l need to clear something up. 92 00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:05,724 You're not the governor of California? 93 00:08:06,227 --> 00:08:09,958 Did you fellows know he's been lying? l have egg on my face. 94 00:08:24,412 --> 00:08:25,401 Hello? 95 00:08:25,613 --> 00:08:28,207 Can you help me find Nurse Fletcher? 96 00:08:29,150 --> 00:08:31,345 The dailies were great. l don't understand. 97 00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:34,646 They said the dailies were great. l don't understand. 98 00:08:34,855 --> 00:08:35,844 Your brother? 99 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:39,049 This would be a marvelous time to extract the present... 100 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:40,227 ...for George. 101 00:08:40,428 --> 00:08:43,727 Very well, Mr. Spock. Gentlemen, set your phasers on stun. 102 00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:50,067 George, on behalf of my entire crew, Spock, Bones, Scotty... 103 00:08:50,271 --> 00:08:52,535 ...we'd like to present you with a gift. 104 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,208 Something we picked up on Rigel lV. 105 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,776 lt's our way of saying good luck out there in the world. 106 00:08:58,979 --> 00:09:01,709 Show them what you're made of. Live long... 107 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:02,905 ...and prosper. 108 00:09:03,117 --> 00:09:06,245 Go where no man has gone before! 109 00:09:06,454 --> 00:09:08,445 Phil, will you shut up! l think he gets it. 110 00:09:08,656 --> 00:09:11,921 -l was simply saying.... -l'm very touched. 111 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,221 l must say, l didn't expect.... 112 00:09:18,265 --> 00:09:19,664 -A hat. -An Honest... 113 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:21,391 ...Abe hat. 114 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,400 lt's to house your mickey after a busy day of lying. 115 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,436 l know it's insulting to you. 116 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,437 But the fellows did craft it. 117 00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,611 l'm not insulted by this. Far from it. 118 00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:33,507 l'm going to wear this hat. 119 00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:36,046 l've earned it. 120 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:37,842 l'll treasure it. 121 00:09:38,352 --> 00:09:39,979 l'm not afraid anymore, Teddy. 122 00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:41,718 l'm ready for my new life. 123 00:09:41,922 --> 00:09:43,150 Then say it, George! 124 00:09:43,357 --> 00:09:45,325 l'm a-ready, Teddy. Go! 125 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:48,722 Have you ever worked with the mentally challenged, Mr. Dash? 126 00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:51,796 Well, my sister's a loony. 127 00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:53,791 What sort of work do you do? 128 00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:56,469 A little bit of this, little bit of that. 129 00:09:56,670 --> 00:10:01,607 Look! There he is, with the hat. 130 00:10:02,009 --> 00:10:03,840 Can l have your Heath bars? 131 00:10:04,044 --> 00:10:07,741 Wait, l got a lot of stuff to do, you know? 132 00:10:07,948 --> 00:10:09,245 Places to go, people to meet. 133 00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:11,418 You needn't worry about George. 134 00:10:11,619 --> 00:10:13,416 He's not a lunatic. 135 00:10:13,621 --> 00:10:15,020 Come on. 136 00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,182 That must be him. 137 00:10:18,392 --> 00:10:19,950 lf he starts having fits... 138 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,358 ...l'll be across the street. l don't want to be around that. 139 00:10:23,564 --> 00:10:26,533 Mr. Dash, l hope you'll be patient with George. 140 00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:29,828 -He looks like a nice man. -l'll say hello and bring him here. 141 00:10:30,037 --> 00:10:31,595 See you in a minute. 142 00:10:32,706 --> 00:10:33,536 Eddie. 143 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,671 Eddie, hi. 144 00:10:39,079 --> 00:10:41,013 Playing games already, Eddie? 145 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,278 This is Eddie, isn't it? 146 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:47,685 -George, this is Eddie Dash. -l knew it! Hello, Eddie. 147 00:10:49,089 --> 00:10:52,115 Don't you kiss me no more. l'm going to kick your ass. 148 00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:54,594 He's going to kick my ass! 149 00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:57,863 Funny. 150 00:10:58,065 --> 00:11:01,000 -l want you to meet the guys. -Don't touch me. 151 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:05,470 Come on. 152 00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:09,003 He's not a lunatic? 153 00:11:09,977 --> 00:11:11,877 -Don't touch me! -Motherfu-- 154 00:11:12,279 --> 00:11:14,804 Hi, everybody. This is Eddie, my new best friend. 155 00:11:15,015 --> 00:11:18,974 Eddie, this is Teddy and Phil and Tim. 156 00:11:19,186 --> 00:11:21,416 Appreciate it, but we got to go, you see. 157 00:11:21,622 --> 00:11:24,750 My car's out front. Come on, let's go! 158 00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,723 Eddie says we have to go now. l better get going. 159 00:11:27,928 --> 00:11:29,759 So long, everybody. Goodbye, nurse. 160 00:11:29,964 --> 00:11:31,056 Goodbye, George. 161 00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:33,199 lf you need anything, just call. 162 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,233 -See you later. -Write me! 163 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:50,913 l can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be out on my own again. 164 00:11:51,118 --> 00:11:53,484 l'm not sorry about my time at the clinic... 165 00:11:53,687 --> 00:11:56,383 ...because they did me a world of good. 166 00:11:56,590 --> 00:12:00,458 l don't regret any of that. l wish l could tell you sometime. 167 00:12:00,661 --> 00:12:03,459 But l mean reading articles, seeing newspapers... 168 00:12:03,664 --> 00:12:06,758 ...watching life and the world and everything on television-- 169 00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:09,595 l'm just anxious to be a part of it again. 170 00:12:10,738 --> 00:12:13,104 l understand they put basil on everything now. 171 00:12:13,307 --> 00:12:14,672 l'm very fond of basil. 172 00:12:14,875 --> 00:12:17,708 Basil is an herb whose time has truly come. 173 00:12:18,412 --> 00:12:20,642 l'm not letting you talk at all. 174 00:12:20,848 --> 00:12:23,578 lt just occurred to me. l'm hogging the conversation. 175 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,685 l don't give you a chance to get in there. 176 00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:28,377 Jabber, jabber, jabber.... 177 00:12:28,589 --> 00:12:30,887 l'm trying to make a good impression. 178 00:12:31,091 --> 00:12:34,083 When l want to make a good impression, l talk and talk. 179 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,786 -Jabber, jabber, jabber. -Shut the fuck up! 180 00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:38,259 Sorry. 181 00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:42,631 There it is! 182 00:12:43,404 --> 00:12:45,167 -What? -The museum! 183 00:12:45,372 --> 00:12:47,966 This is going to be fun. 184 00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:51,167 You'll have a good day and take care of your life. 185 00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:54,444 Aren't you coming with me? 186 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:57,344 l'd love to, but l got a church group thing. 187 00:12:59,019 --> 00:13:01,613 Eddie, you can't just leave me here. 188 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:05,986 Please, l circled the want ads. l thought you would help me find-- 189 00:13:06,226 --> 00:13:08,091 Culture. There it is! 190 00:13:08,295 --> 00:13:10,263 Culture's all you want. Right there! 191 00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:16,431 l haven't been on my own for over 3 years. 192 00:13:16,637 --> 00:13:21,233 You're not alone. They got everything from Dolly Parton to the Pope. 193 00:13:23,143 --> 00:13:26,704 Eddie, just give me a minute to get used to the idea, okay? 194 00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:29,175 Ready? 195 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,553 No, l'm terrified! 196 00:13:35,756 --> 00:13:37,189 Don't be terrified. 197 00:13:37,391 --> 00:13:38,483 Hey, George! 198 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:40,824 Got any money? 199 00:13:41,328 --> 00:13:42,727 l'm okay for money. 200 00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:44,921 Give me $50 and l'll go in with you. 201 00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:48,762 Me and you. 202 00:13:48,969 --> 00:13:51,028 -l don't like it here. -Wait a minute. 203 00:13:51,238 --> 00:13:53,263 -Did they only give you $50? -No, they-- 204 00:13:53,474 --> 00:13:55,601 Hi. How are you doing? 205 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,308 George! 206 00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:05,815 Damn you! You see what you did to my friend, you big, green fuck? 207 00:14:16,597 --> 00:14:18,690 -My cigar! -l'm so sorry. 208 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,628 You killed my cigar. 209 00:14:22,102 --> 00:14:24,570 -Let me help you. -You broke my cigar! 210 00:14:24,838 --> 00:14:27,329 lt's my fault. l shouldn't have been running. 211 00:14:27,541 --> 00:14:29,668 Abe, it's you! 212 00:14:30,444 --> 00:14:31,376 l'm not Abe. 213 00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:35,981 What do you do, disappear, then come back to kill me, Abe? 214 00:14:36,183 --> 00:14:37,946 You're mistaking me for someone else. 215 00:14:38,152 --> 00:14:40,814 You mean, because of the hat. l'm not Abe. 216 00:14:41,021 --> 00:14:44,548 You're not Abe Fielding? What is this, a joke? 217 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:48,524 l'm not joking at all. l think maybe you had a bad fall. 218 00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:53,693 Shit! 219 00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:56,666 You know, a lot of people would say... 220 00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:59,498 ...it's rude to bet thousands of dollars... 221 00:14:59,706 --> 00:15:01,435 ...then skip town without a trace. 222 00:15:01,642 --> 00:15:03,007 You're making a mistake. 223 00:15:04,545 --> 00:15:05,603 l got some of it. 224 00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:06,743 What is that? 225 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,380 -Payoff of the bet. -What bet? 226 00:15:08,582 --> 00:15:10,550 You won the bet. Dallas won. 227 00:15:10,751 --> 00:15:13,686 l'm not Abe. You think Abe won a bet from you. 228 00:15:13,887 --> 00:15:17,288 -l'm in the clergy. -Really? What church? 229 00:15:18,258 --> 00:15:20,522 You want to give it to someone named Abe. l'm not Abe. 230 00:15:20,727 --> 00:15:21,955 Holy shit! 231 00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:23,755 That's what l thought. 232 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,329 You think it's me, but-- 233 00:15:25,532 --> 00:15:27,727 l can't take that money. 234 00:15:27,935 --> 00:15:29,061 Abe! 235 00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:31,965 This is my best friend, Eddie. He'll tell you. 236 00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:33,935 You want to know about Abe? 237 00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:37,905 You ask me, because Abe and l are best friends. 238 00:15:38,779 --> 00:15:41,748 Not Abe Fielding. Big joke on me, right? 239 00:15:41,949 --> 00:15:44,509 8:00, Shorefront Cafe. l'll have your money. 240 00:15:44,718 --> 00:15:45,980 Abe will be there. 241 00:15:46,186 --> 00:15:49,314 He's making a terrible mistake. He might have a concussion. 242 00:15:49,523 --> 00:15:51,889 l hope he has it tonight. 243 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,099 l don't want to do this. 244 00:16:08,308 --> 00:16:10,572 Look, the guy wants to give you money. 245 00:16:10,777 --> 00:16:12,677 No, he wants to give Abe Fielding money. 246 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,077 l'm doing all this for you. What are you doing for me? 247 00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:18,911 But you want me to lie, the worst thing l could do. 248 00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:22,418 What good is telling the truth if you got nothing to say? 249 00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:25,148 -l have things to say. -Yeah, about basil. 250 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,725 l know l'm not the most dynamic person. 251 00:16:27,928 --> 00:16:30,419 My ass is more dynamic, okay? 252 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,091 You just be quiet. Let me do all the talking. 253 00:16:36,303 --> 00:16:39,761 -That way, you ain't lying. -l'd feel more comfortable like that. 254 00:16:42,509 --> 00:16:43,999 Monsieur Fielding! 255 00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,872 How good it is to see you! 256 00:16:46,079 --> 00:16:47,273 lt has been too long. 257 00:16:47,481 --> 00:16:49,278 lt's been too long. Since he's eaten! 258 00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,814 l'll move some people. 259 00:16:51,618 --> 00:16:53,483 You a twin or something? 260 00:16:54,454 --> 00:16:56,217 How nice to see you again! 261 00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,319 May l take your hat? 262 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,324 How nice! 263 00:17:04,531 --> 00:17:06,795 Mr. Fielding! Long time no see. 264 00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:10,632 You can at least say hello. 265 00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:14,235 -l don't want to lie, Eddie. -''Hello'' is not a lie. 266 00:17:14,441 --> 00:17:16,636 You don't want to be around when l lie. 267 00:17:16,843 --> 00:17:21,507 All hell breaks loose. Believe me, l become another person. 268 00:17:21,715 --> 00:17:24,741 When l start to lie, even l don't know who l am. 269 00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:28,649 Monsieur Fielding, how are you this evening? 270 00:17:30,123 --> 00:17:33,115 Well, if l were Mr. Fielding... 271 00:17:33,327 --> 00:17:35,989 ...l guess you could say l was fine. 272 00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:39,498 This way, sir. 273 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,791 May l bring the usual? 274 00:17:42,002 --> 00:17:45,199 Two usuals. You know, we're expecting a friend. 275 00:17:45,405 --> 00:17:49,273 A little old fat guy, kind of ugly. He owes us a lot of money. 276 00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,273 l think he's at the bar. 277 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,341 Thank you. 278 00:17:59,686 --> 00:18:02,348 Eddie, we have to get out of here. This is crazy. 279 00:18:02,556 --> 00:18:05,320 You think l'm doing this for me? Don't make me laugh. 280 00:18:05,525 --> 00:18:09,086 l'm doing it for Mom. You know, my mother. 281 00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,287 Wish l had a picture to show you. 282 00:18:11,498 --> 00:18:13,728 She's got what they call a heart thing. 283 00:18:13,934 --> 00:18:16,596 The doctors, they call it a bum heart. 284 00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:20,364 l was going to use the money that we get to get it fixed. 285 00:18:20,574 --> 00:18:23,042 l'm sorry to hear that. l'd like to help you. 286 00:18:23,243 --> 00:18:26,474 But you know, Eddie, l told you l mustn't lie. 287 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:30,548 Okay, forget l asked you. Just forget it! 288 00:18:30,751 --> 00:18:33,413 You can send her flowers when she's in the hospital. 289 00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:35,884 Nice note saying, ''Die, bitch.'' 290 00:18:36,723 --> 00:18:40,625 Abe, how are you? l didn't know you were bringing a friend. 291 00:18:40,827 --> 00:18:42,226 l'm Al Sandrow. 292 00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,958 So... 293 00:18:45,732 --> 00:18:47,927 ...not that it's any of my business, Abe... 294 00:18:48,135 --> 00:18:51,104 ...where's a guy like you disappear to for 5 months? 295 00:18:51,772 --> 00:18:53,831 That's kind of a long story, Al. 296 00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:55,565 l'm asking Abe. 297 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:00,643 Something wrong, Abe? 298 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,450 He's worried about my mother. Mama's at death's door. 299 00:19:04,651 --> 00:19:08,417 Listen, shithead, nobody's talking to you, okay? 300 00:19:08,955 --> 00:19:10,445 Eddie, Eddie. 301 00:19:10,657 --> 00:19:12,181 l was just trying to tell you-- 302 00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:14,986 Don't tell me nothing. l'm asking Abe! 303 00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:17,693 l don't like this. lt's not polite. 304 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:21,133 Maybe he can't talk about it, but l can. 305 00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,325 Butt out, shithead! l'm talking to-- 306 00:19:23,670 --> 00:19:26,332 l don't like it when you call my friend a shithead. 307 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:30,442 lf you do it one more time, l'll cut your fucking balls off! 308 00:19:30,744 --> 00:19:32,336 Which l'm very good at. 309 00:19:32,746 --> 00:19:35,271 -Okay? -Yeah, sure, Abe. 310 00:19:35,482 --> 00:19:36,847 Say ''okay.'' 311 00:19:46,693 --> 00:19:50,993 -You trying to tell me something? -No, no! Okay, Abe. 312 00:19:51,965 --> 00:19:53,523 l don't want to be unreasonable. 313 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,999 l know you came to give us thousands of dollars-- 314 00:19:57,204 --> 00:19:58,728 Listen to me. 315 00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:01,768 But! 316 00:20:02,175 --> 00:20:05,770 Don't call my friend a shithead again, okay? 317 00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:08,744 Now you can talk! 318 00:20:08,949 --> 00:20:10,576 Shithead's okay. 319 00:20:10,784 --> 00:20:13,981 Do you have any idea what this man has done for me? 320 00:20:16,189 --> 00:20:17,816 lt was nothing. 321 00:20:18,024 --> 00:20:21,016 Pulling me out of that explosion was nothing? 322 00:20:21,228 --> 00:20:22,058 What explosion? 323 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,662 ln the lift at Lady Tushingham's. 324 00:20:24,865 --> 00:20:27,197 Look at him. Look what it did to his brain. 325 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,561 Did you see that? Look at this. 326 00:20:29,903 --> 00:20:32,428 Hello? Anybody home? 327 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:38,009 Don't worry, he's got a titanium plate in there. 328 00:20:38,211 --> 00:20:40,771 When l hit him in the head, it actually feels good. 329 00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:42,073 What the fuck? 330 00:20:44,751 --> 00:20:48,482 Just don't call my friend a shithead again, okay? 331 00:20:49,055 --> 00:20:51,353 -Okay with you, Al? -Okay with Al. 332 00:20:52,192 --> 00:20:55,650 Maybe l had you pegged wrong, but don't ever call him.... 333 00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,900 l'm sorry. l didn't know. 334 00:21:02,102 --> 00:21:04,093 So what happened in the lift? 335 00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:05,134 What's a lift? 336 00:21:05,338 --> 00:21:06,703 What happened in the lift? 337 00:21:07,174 --> 00:21:10,666 Lady Tushingham, you mean? l'm glad you asked. 338 00:21:10,877 --> 00:21:13,710 This is a wonderful story, Al. 339 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:16,877 l can't wait to tell you. 340 00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:19,916 There we were, Eddie and me, in England, mind you... 341 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,985 ...at this swellegant party-- 342 00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:25,090 --lords, ladies, everything-- 343 00:21:25,292 --> 00:21:27,157 --not far from Buckingham Palace. 344 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:30,763 And Lady Tushingham walks up to me, and she says: 345 00:21:32,265 --> 00:21:34,790 ''l challenge you to pull this finger.'' 346 00:21:39,072 --> 00:21:39,970 ''l challenge you... 347 00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:42,230 ...to pull this finger.'' 348 00:21:42,442 --> 00:21:43,636 You say it. 349 00:21:45,111 --> 00:21:47,773 ''l challenge you to pull this finger.'' 350 00:21:50,317 --> 00:21:52,012 You're going to love this. 351 00:21:55,422 --> 00:21:56,787 What are you going to do? 352 00:21:56,990 --> 00:21:59,515 What do you figure? What could happen, right? 353 00:21:59,726 --> 00:22:01,455 So l pull her finger. 354 00:22:02,128 --> 00:22:03,686 She cuts one. 355 00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:10,969 A rocket to Mars doesn't have this kind of thrust. 356 00:22:11,238 --> 00:22:12,671 And her husband... 357 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,034 ...was lighting his cigar next to her. 358 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:17,471 The place went crazy! 359 00:22:17,677 --> 00:22:19,611 They weren't calling you shithead then. 360 00:22:19,813 --> 00:22:20,643 Them? 361 00:22:20,847 --> 00:22:24,283 They probably were. lf you want to call me shithead... 362 00:22:24,484 --> 00:22:27,510 ...and give me some money and say, ''Abe won this. 363 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,985 Here, shithead.'' You know, l'd say... 364 00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:31,214 ...''Thank you, Al.'' 365 00:22:34,361 --> 00:22:35,726 Where the hell have you been? 366 00:22:35,929 --> 00:22:37,794 Where have l been? Where have you been? 367 00:22:37,998 --> 00:22:38,828 That's the question. 368 00:22:39,032 --> 00:22:40,659 Honey, Abe! 369 00:22:41,134 --> 00:22:43,227 Oh, my God! 370 00:22:43,503 --> 00:22:47,098 Hey, get your ass over here. Give me a wet one! 371 00:22:51,211 --> 00:22:53,475 This is Fred and Ethel Mertz. 372 00:22:54,381 --> 00:22:56,110 Sit down. Get a load off. 373 00:22:56,316 --> 00:22:59,285 Bartender, some drinks over here for my friends. 374 00:22:59,486 --> 00:23:02,785 -Were you expecting somebody else? -We were expecting you. 375 00:23:02,989 --> 00:23:06,982 He wanted to start. l said, ''We're waiting till you guys arrive.'' 376 00:23:07,193 --> 00:23:10,856 So, what did we hear? That you were in South America? 377 00:23:11,064 --> 00:23:12,361 El Salvador. 378 00:23:12,866 --> 00:23:15,391 My God, what were you doing there? 379 00:23:15,602 --> 00:23:17,900 Dropping live oxen from 30,000 feet... 380 00:23:18,104 --> 00:23:19,901 ...on the guerrilla forces. 381 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,271 Live oxen? 382 00:23:23,176 --> 00:23:24,234 Why live oxen? 383 00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:27,436 Because it hurts like hell when they land on you! 384 00:23:29,215 --> 00:23:30,773 He was just kidding about... 385 00:23:30,984 --> 00:23:33,976 ...dropping oxen from 30,000 feet out of the plane. 386 00:23:34,187 --> 00:23:35,347 Oh, sure. 387 00:23:35,622 --> 00:23:39,114 As if you weren't with me in the cockpit when the missile went through. 388 00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:43,020 l forgot. 389 00:23:43,229 --> 00:23:44,287 lt slipped my mind. 390 00:23:44,497 --> 00:23:47,125 l can never tell when you're serious. 391 00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:54,872 l'm in a plane... 392 00:23:55,075 --> 00:23:56,940 ...with a dead pilot... 393 00:23:57,143 --> 00:24:00,476 ...and the cockpit thermometer says 30,000 feet... 394 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,614 ...and you think l'm making jokes? 395 00:24:05,118 --> 00:24:06,278 What's the matter with him? 396 00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:07,976 ls he pulling my leg? 397 00:24:21,701 --> 00:24:23,999 So what happened to Lady Tushingham? 398 00:24:25,071 --> 00:24:26,936 Will you fuck Lady Tushingham?! 399 00:24:27,140 --> 00:24:29,973 What's the matter with you? l'm telling you the real stuff! 400 00:24:30,176 --> 00:24:32,838 40,000 feet. A terrorist burst through the door... 401 00:24:33,046 --> 00:24:35,344 ...put the gun to my head and he says.... 402 00:24:41,287 --> 00:24:42,618 How'd you like that, Al? 403 00:24:43,556 --> 00:24:44,682 Holy shit! 404 00:24:44,891 --> 00:24:47,485 Do you understand what l'm saying?! 405 00:24:50,363 --> 00:24:51,352 Jesus! 406 00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:30,695 What was l to do? Then they tore out their knives. 407 00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:31,836 And started swearing-- 408 00:25:32,038 --> 00:25:33,733 We don't know what they're saying. 409 00:25:33,940 --> 00:25:35,840 And Eddie says, ''Talk English.'' 410 00:25:36,042 --> 00:25:38,476 Good thing we didn't know the language. 411 00:25:38,678 --> 00:25:40,805 ''You don't talk English, we're going home.'' 412 00:25:43,783 --> 00:25:46,274 That really is an amazing story. 413 00:25:46,986 --> 00:25:51,514 We talked about the money that Al owed Abe. 414 00:25:51,724 --> 00:25:54,784 You know what l mean? Didn't we talk about that? 415 00:25:54,994 --> 00:25:57,724 We were talking about all the money... 416 00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:01,890 ...that maybe Abe won gambling from this fat man. 417 00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:06,061 l'm not the fat man like you're not the shithead, okay? 418 00:26:06,272 --> 00:26:09,002 l'm not trying to offend, but l'm not a shithead. 419 00:26:09,209 --> 00:26:10,836 But you're definitely pudgy. What? 420 00:26:11,044 --> 00:26:13,171 Al's a little sensitive about his tummy. 421 00:26:13,379 --> 00:26:15,939 lt's been 20 years since he had a tum-- 422 00:26:16,149 --> 00:26:17,377 Oh, my God! 423 00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:29,527 lt's ruined. 424 00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:33,793 Abe, it's your wife. 425 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,058 My what? 426 00:26:35,268 --> 00:26:36,360 You're right. 427 00:26:36,769 --> 00:26:38,031 lt's Elaine! 428 00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:40,272 Eddie, l'm married. 429 00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:41,599 Congratulations. 430 00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:43,503 What am l going to do? 431 00:26:44,077 --> 00:26:45,476 You son of a bitch! 432 00:26:48,281 --> 00:26:49,111 Hello, darling. 433 00:26:49,849 --> 00:26:51,612 You are not my husband. 434 00:26:52,452 --> 00:26:53,885 l think l could explain-- 435 00:26:54,087 --> 00:26:57,523 You are an inconsiderate child. 436 00:26:58,024 --> 00:27:00,891 You are an insect. You are a piece of dust. 437 00:27:01,094 --> 00:27:04,586 How dare you humiliate me this way in front of our friends. 438 00:27:05,331 --> 00:27:09,097 l'm very disappointed in you, Gail. You could've told me he was back. 439 00:27:09,369 --> 00:27:11,269 l didn't even know he was gone. 440 00:27:11,471 --> 00:27:13,462 Oh, like hell you didn't. 441 00:27:13,673 --> 00:27:15,607 What have you got to say for yourself? 442 00:27:15,808 --> 00:27:17,105 l missed you, dear. 443 00:27:17,377 --> 00:27:18,969 -Come on. -Where are we going? 444 00:27:19,179 --> 00:27:20,840 You've got some explaining to do. 445 00:27:21,047 --> 00:27:22,378 The money! 446 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:36,492 You're the most beautiful woman l've ever seen. 447 00:27:36,696 --> 00:27:40,325 l can't think of a single reason for us to stay together. 448 00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:44,833 l can think of one darn good reason. How about the kids? 449 00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:48,838 ls it fair to them to make them the innocent victims of this? 450 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,270 What kids? 451 00:27:50,476 --> 00:27:51,966 We don't have kids? 452 00:27:53,112 --> 00:27:54,010 Bear with me. 453 00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:57,377 l'm a little-- l had a cocktail at the restaurant. 454 00:27:57,584 --> 00:27:57,650 You are really starting to drive me crazy. 455 00:27:57,650 --> 00:28:00,380 You are really starting to drive me crazy. 456 00:28:00,587 --> 00:28:04,023 Honestly, l think you've made an awfully big mistake. 457 00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:06,385 The big mistake was marrying you. 458 00:28:06,593 --> 00:28:09,619 l mean a mistake that you think l'm someone else... 459 00:28:09,829 --> 00:28:11,194 ...than who l really am. 460 00:28:11,397 --> 00:28:16,061 What you are is a lying bastard. Get your hand off my knee. 461 00:28:16,569 --> 00:28:18,434 l don't think l lie that much anymore. 462 00:28:18,638 --> 00:28:21,539 l lied a bit tonight, but l was under a lot of pressure. 463 00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:24,335 Considering that this was my first night out. 464 00:28:24,544 --> 00:28:28,537 Otherwise, l think l've made a lot of progress. l really do. 465 00:28:28,982 --> 00:28:31,007 Just what did you catch this time? 466 00:28:31,217 --> 00:28:33,048 l didn't catch anything. 467 00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:36,916 You went fishing for 5 months and you didn't catch anything? 468 00:28:37,123 --> 00:28:38,750 l guess l used the wrong bait. 469 00:28:38,958 --> 00:28:43,019 Used the wrong bait? Will you please not insult my intelligence? 470 00:28:43,229 --> 00:28:46,721 l happen to know you were with Angela Davenport the entire time. 471 00:28:46,933 --> 00:28:49,026 Will you close the door, please? 472 00:28:52,572 --> 00:28:53,869 And don't deny it. 473 00:28:54,073 --> 00:28:57,474 Don't even try, because l got it right from the horse's mouth. 474 00:28:57,677 --> 00:29:01,408 -You mean Angela told you? -No, Angela's husband told me. 475 00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:03,081 Oh, gee. 476 00:29:03,283 --> 00:29:06,719 What on earth have you got in that foolish-looking little bag? 477 00:29:06,919 --> 00:29:08,682 My raincoat and rubbers. 478 00:29:10,556 --> 00:29:12,387 He also told me when he found you... 479 00:29:12,592 --> 00:29:16,153 ...he would cut you up into infinitesimally small pieces. 480 00:29:16,362 --> 00:29:18,557 Too bad he was bluffing. 481 00:29:22,468 --> 00:29:23,833 l've been murdered. 482 00:29:28,808 --> 00:29:30,673 Oh, my God. 483 00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:36,547 Oh, little doggie. 484 00:29:36,749 --> 00:29:37,579 Cute little doggie. 485 00:29:39,786 --> 00:29:40,946 Nice doggie. 486 00:29:42,955 --> 00:29:44,047 Yes, sit. 487 00:29:47,393 --> 00:29:48,621 Be a good boy. 488 00:29:50,997 --> 00:29:51,827 Nice doggie. 489 00:30:06,112 --> 00:30:07,807 Sit! Be a good doggie. 490 00:30:09,582 --> 00:30:11,846 l think something terrible may have happened. 491 00:30:14,387 --> 00:30:15,411 What? 492 00:30:16,055 --> 00:30:17,613 l have to-- l have to-- 493 00:30:25,565 --> 00:30:27,726 l'm honor breast, to tell you the tittie hooth. 494 00:30:27,934 --> 00:30:30,698 Angela didn't forewarn you about her implants... 495 00:30:30,903 --> 00:30:31,767 ...did she? 496 00:30:32,572 --> 00:30:33,971 Honest truth. 497 00:30:34,173 --> 00:30:38,405 Did you find out in bed? Or did they rattle when you danced? 498 00:30:40,113 --> 00:30:44,379 You know, it's very difficult for me to be honest with you... 499 00:30:44,584 --> 00:30:46,211 ...at a time like this. 500 00:30:49,055 --> 00:30:50,352 Give it a whirl, Abe. 501 00:30:53,659 --> 00:30:55,456 l like, l want to.... 502 00:30:56,929 --> 00:30:58,294 Want to say something to me? 503 00:30:58,498 --> 00:31:02,298 Yes. l want to be completely honest and get this off your chest. 504 00:31:02,502 --> 00:31:04,060 l mean, get this on your breast. 505 00:31:04,270 --> 00:31:05,737 l mean, my breast. 506 00:31:05,938 --> 00:31:08,964 -Get this off my chest. -Well, give it a try. 507 00:31:09,175 --> 00:31:12,542 Give it your best shot. The truth, Abe. Let's hear it. 508 00:31:15,281 --> 00:31:19,012 l am not your husband. l am a Volvo salesman. 509 00:31:26,526 --> 00:31:31,463 You are really beginning to fray the edges of my patience. 510 00:31:42,809 --> 00:31:44,902 l've never been to Yosemite. 511 00:32:13,005 --> 00:32:14,199 Oh, man. 512 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,337 l'm landing in tall cotton. Hey, baby! 513 00:32:18,544 --> 00:32:21,069 Holy shit, this is great! 514 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,272 They don't have this much acreage in the projects. 515 00:32:41,968 --> 00:32:43,401 Oh, man! 516 00:32:43,936 --> 00:32:45,528 Are you kidding me? 517 00:32:47,139 --> 00:32:48,936 Holy shit! 518 00:32:50,510 --> 00:32:52,102 Kiss my ass! 519 00:33:02,154 --> 00:33:03,587 Coochie-coochie? 520 00:33:05,658 --> 00:33:07,057 Come here, little puppy. 521 00:33:08,294 --> 00:33:09,989 Come here. Suck your dick? 522 00:33:14,433 --> 00:33:16,663 ls this 1 1 45 Stone Ranch? 523 00:33:16,869 --> 00:33:18,393 Got some candy for you. 524 00:33:19,005 --> 00:33:21,098 Goddamn it, you bit my-- 525 00:33:21,307 --> 00:33:22,365 Nice baby. 526 00:33:22,575 --> 00:33:24,042 Good fellow. 527 00:33:31,851 --> 00:33:33,216 Holy shit! 528 00:33:43,362 --> 00:33:45,125 How you doing, Abe? 529 00:33:45,531 --> 00:33:47,192 What, you eating breakfast? 530 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,365 Hey, another chair? 531 00:33:50,136 --> 00:33:51,330 This yours? 532 00:33:54,941 --> 00:33:56,374 You don't need this. 533 00:34:22,034 --> 00:34:24,764 -l knew you'd find me. -Don't touch me, Abe. 534 00:34:24,971 --> 00:34:28,668 -Just a little, let me hold your hand. -Don't touch me! 535 00:34:28,874 --> 00:34:29,704 How did you find me? 536 00:34:29,909 --> 00:34:32,469 You're in the phone book under Abe Fielding. 537 00:34:32,678 --> 00:34:33,838 That was smart! 538 00:34:35,014 --> 00:34:38,074 -Can l call you Abe? -You know my name is George. 539 00:34:38,484 --> 00:34:40,816 George, right. Your name is George. 540 00:34:42,054 --> 00:34:43,885 Yo, Abe. l mean, George. 541 00:34:44,490 --> 00:34:46,651 -How many acres we got here? -None. 542 00:34:46,859 --> 00:34:48,986 None? lt looks like more than that to me. 543 00:34:49,195 --> 00:34:52,392 That's because you think l'm Abe Fielding, but l'm not. 544 00:34:52,598 --> 00:34:54,429 l don't even know Abe Fielding. 545 00:34:54,634 --> 00:34:58,934 But l think he was cut up into pieces by somebody's jealous husband. 546 00:34:59,138 --> 00:35:00,696 What the hell you talking about? 547 00:35:00,906 --> 00:35:04,171 You don't believe me. l'm not Abe Fielding. 548 00:35:04,377 --> 00:35:06,345 You're at the Pearly Gates. Don't choose hell. 549 00:35:06,545 --> 00:35:07,671 What will you say? 550 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,646 That l don't have a place to stay and l'm staying with you for a while. 551 00:35:11,851 --> 00:35:13,216 Maybe you'll ask her for me. 552 00:35:13,686 --> 00:35:14,778 Hello, dear. 553 00:35:15,187 --> 00:35:17,587 Mrs. Honeybun. 554 00:35:19,325 --> 00:35:22,089 Eddie wants to know if he can live with us for a while. 555 00:35:22,294 --> 00:35:24,524 You know, just for a little while. 556 00:35:24,730 --> 00:35:27,722 Till my mom gets better. Couple years, tops. 557 00:35:32,338 --> 00:35:33,703 No? What do you mean, no? 558 00:35:33,906 --> 00:35:35,134 Come on, Peaches. 559 00:35:35,975 --> 00:35:36,964 Peaches? 560 00:35:37,476 --> 00:35:39,876 Abe has something to say. Just hear him out. 561 00:35:40,546 --> 00:35:41,444 All right. 562 00:35:42,715 --> 00:35:43,545 What is it? 563 00:35:50,956 --> 00:35:52,617 Eddie isn't who you think he is. 564 00:35:53,993 --> 00:35:54,925 Who is he? 565 00:35:55,961 --> 00:35:59,761 Did you ever hear of a prizefighter by the name of Joe Frazier? 566 00:36:01,167 --> 00:36:02,828 You mean the ''Thriller from Manila''? 567 00:36:03,469 --> 00:36:04,299 That's it. 568 00:36:04,503 --> 00:36:05,629 The Thriller from Manila! 569 00:36:07,339 --> 00:36:11,571 Right after that fight with Ali in the Philippines, Joe Frazier got malaria. 570 00:36:12,211 --> 00:36:14,406 And he lost a lot of weight. 571 00:36:16,482 --> 00:36:20,350 l mean, a lot of weight. He even shrunk a little bit. 572 00:36:22,188 --> 00:36:24,122 Even after they got it under control... 573 00:36:24,323 --> 00:36:27,190 ...he thought if anyone ever saw him like that... 574 00:36:27,393 --> 00:36:29,793 ...his career as a prizefighter would be over. 575 00:36:29,995 --> 00:36:32,691 No one would ever give him a shot at the title. 576 00:36:33,766 --> 00:36:37,395 He decided he'd better change his name and his identity... 577 00:36:37,603 --> 00:36:40,902 ...till he could sort of work his way back into shape. 578 00:36:41,107 --> 00:36:43,575 lt's been a rough road back, right, champ? 579 00:36:43,776 --> 00:36:45,004 l'm not complaining. 580 00:36:45,211 --> 00:36:47,805 l just want another crack at the title. 581 00:36:48,013 --> 00:36:50,004 Save them. Save them, pal. 582 00:36:50,216 --> 00:36:52,241 l'll help you, Joe. l mean... 583 00:36:52,451 --> 00:36:53,383 ...Eddie. 584 00:36:53,586 --> 00:36:55,952 Sorry, champ. l won't slip again. 585 00:36:57,823 --> 00:36:59,347 You know, Elaine... 586 00:36:59,558 --> 00:37:03,654 ...he's the best friend l got. He just needs a place where he can... 587 00:37:03,863 --> 00:37:06,388 ...lick his wounds for a while... 588 00:37:07,733 --> 00:37:11,931 ...and put about maybe 50, 60 pounds back on. 589 00:37:20,613 --> 00:37:22,979 That is an amazing story. 590 00:37:24,316 --> 00:37:28,184 l was very rude to you a minute ago. l'm awfully sorry. 591 00:37:28,654 --> 00:37:30,815 l want you to stay. Really. Please do. 592 00:37:31,023 --> 00:37:32,854 l feel so exposed. 593 00:37:33,058 --> 00:37:37,324 Please, let me see if l can get the guest bedroom made up. 594 00:37:38,731 --> 00:37:39,925 l'll be right back. 595 00:37:44,870 --> 00:37:46,360 Shit, man! 596 00:37:49,074 --> 00:37:50,268 Before l met you... 597 00:37:50,476 --> 00:37:53,240 ...the term ''bullshit artist'' was an empty phrase. 598 00:37:53,445 --> 00:37:56,778 But working with you has made me a better liar. 599 00:37:57,183 --> 00:38:00,675 You're just describing everything l don't want to be. 600 00:38:18,037 --> 00:38:20,938 This is a Rolex. This is money. 601 00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:24,604 Full of rings! My God! 602 00:38:25,544 --> 00:38:28,377 What are you doing in here? You said you were... 603 00:38:28,581 --> 00:38:31,379 ...taking a walk. l was looking all over for you. 604 00:38:31,584 --> 00:38:34,144 l was looking around in some of Fielding's stuff. 605 00:38:34,353 --> 00:38:37,288 l was doing a little research, you know what l mean? 606 00:38:37,489 --> 00:38:40,287 Like this pipe. You put this pipe in your mouth... 607 00:38:40,492 --> 00:38:42,050 ...and you'll feel like Fielding. 608 00:38:42,328 --> 00:38:44,489 And a dash of his cologne. 609 00:38:45,130 --> 00:38:46,062 Put on some of this. 610 00:38:46,265 --> 00:38:48,495 Smell like Abe. Before you do the thing. 611 00:38:48,701 --> 00:38:50,032 Before l do what thing? 612 00:38:50,236 --> 00:38:52,329 The woman hasn't seen you in five months. 613 00:38:52,538 --> 00:38:53,664 She's expecting something. 614 00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:56,171 You got to give her what she expects. 615 00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:58,206 A little padumph, padumph. 616 00:39:00,613 --> 00:39:02,774 l can't do ''padumph.'' 617 00:39:03,415 --> 00:39:06,475 -That would be under false pretenses. -What false pretenses? 618 00:39:06,685 --> 00:39:09,415 She thinks you're her husband. She'll turn the TV on. 619 00:39:17,429 --> 00:39:19,294 What are you going to say to her? 620 00:39:19,498 --> 00:39:23,298 Well, l'll say, ''Oh, gosh, Elaine. 621 00:39:23,636 --> 00:39:25,968 -You look lovely tonight.'' -Hold it. 622 00:39:26,171 --> 00:39:29,868 That's what Boy Scouts say on a trip, trying to sell cookies. 623 00:39:30,075 --> 00:39:32,873 -l'm not going to be crude. -Nobody's talking crude. 624 00:39:33,078 --> 00:39:35,569 l'm talking you be suave, debonair. 625 00:39:35,981 --> 00:39:37,414 You got to be Cary Grant. 626 00:39:37,616 --> 00:39:38,583 Cary Grant? 627 00:39:38,784 --> 00:39:42,777 What, Cary Grant, on a date, he wants to do his thing and he says to her.... 628 00:39:43,422 --> 00:39:45,117 No, no. l hope not. 629 00:39:45,324 --> 00:39:47,087 No! Cary Grant's smooth, debonair. 630 00:39:47,293 --> 00:39:50,160 He says something like, ''Judy, Judy, Judy... 631 00:39:50,362 --> 00:39:52,023 ...you want to padumph, padumph?'' 632 00:39:52,231 --> 00:39:53,926 That's what he would say? 633 00:39:54,133 --> 00:39:56,397 Either that or, ''You want to fuck?'' 634 00:39:59,905 --> 00:40:01,497 -This is your night. -l can't do it. 635 00:40:01,707 --> 00:40:03,402 Let's see. 636 00:40:03,609 --> 00:40:06,043 -l'm nervous. -This woman has a thing for you. 637 00:40:06,245 --> 00:40:07,872 l saw it in her eyes. 638 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,071 Put some of this on. There you go. 639 00:40:10,316 --> 00:40:12,011 Not bad, is it? 640 00:40:12,518 --> 00:40:13,507 Look. 641 00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:17,815 You go in there and you think ''Cary Grant.'' 642 00:40:18,157 --> 00:40:20,250 -Come on. -Judy, Judy. 643 00:40:25,998 --> 00:40:29,229 Man couldn't get laid in a woman's prison with a pound of pot. 644 00:40:29,435 --> 00:40:32,666 AII right, girIs. Now, this is your Iast chance. 645 00:40:32,871 --> 00:40:35,669 If one piece of candy gets past you... 646 00:40:35,874 --> 00:40:39,332 ...and into the packing room unwrapped, you're fired! 647 00:40:39,878 --> 00:40:42,346 -Let her roII! -What are you doing? 648 00:40:42,581 --> 00:40:44,845 Judy, Judy. 649 00:40:45,117 --> 00:40:48,109 Could l interest you in a little padumph, padumph? 650 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,288 Who are you talking to? 651 00:40:52,591 --> 00:40:53,853 You. 652 00:40:54,593 --> 00:40:57,585 l want to know if you'd like to have a little padumph. 653 00:41:00,599 --> 00:41:04,194 Elaine, do you know how long it's been since l've done the thing? 654 00:41:04,403 --> 00:41:05,631 Are you for real? 655 00:41:06,739 --> 00:41:07,763 You-- 656 00:41:11,677 --> 00:41:13,372 Who could that be? 657 00:41:14,713 --> 00:41:17,409 Look, Abe, there's a car coming up the driveway. 658 00:41:17,616 --> 00:41:21,245 l don't know who else but you'd come barreling up at this hour. 659 00:41:21,754 --> 00:41:24,188 My God. lt must be Abe. 660 00:41:24,390 --> 00:41:26,790 Will you please not do that anymore? 661 00:41:26,992 --> 00:41:29,426 l'm sorry. l mean it must be me. 662 00:41:35,567 --> 00:41:38,866 Would you go see who it is? l'll be down in a minute. 663 00:41:53,552 --> 00:41:55,452 There's someone at the front door. 664 00:41:55,654 --> 00:41:56,746 So? 665 00:41:57,623 --> 00:41:59,488 l'd like you to come with me. 666 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:02,618 What's this stuff? 667 00:42:02,828 --> 00:42:05,160 This is stuff that l'm taking to get cleaned. 668 00:42:05,364 --> 00:42:08,265 Yeah, looks pretty dirty. 669 00:42:21,780 --> 00:42:24,180 l'd like you to answer it. Would you? 670 00:42:24,383 --> 00:42:26,112 Hey, you're the maestro. 671 00:42:34,393 --> 00:42:35,223 Well! 672 00:42:35,461 --> 00:42:38,225 lf it ain't Mr. ''Finger on the Bell.'' 673 00:42:38,430 --> 00:42:41,422 How dare you! Open this door. Open it! 674 00:42:42,367 --> 00:42:43,857 Just who the hell are you? 675 00:42:44,069 --> 00:42:46,902 l demand to know, and l mean now, mister. Right now! 676 00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:48,300 Who the hell are you? 677 00:42:49,341 --> 00:42:50,831 Elaine, you all right? 678 00:42:51,043 --> 00:42:55,036 l'm Abe Fielding's best friend, asshole. 679 00:42:55,247 --> 00:42:58,444 You think you can come in and talk to me like l'm shit? 680 00:42:58,650 --> 00:43:01,778 You wouldn't know Abe Fielding if you were talking to him. 681 00:43:01,987 --> 00:43:03,079 Wait a minute. You Abe Fielding? 682 00:43:03,288 --> 00:43:04,755 No, l'm not. Elaine! 683 00:43:04,957 --> 00:43:08,859 My name is Rupert Dibbs. l run Abe Fielding's business. 684 00:43:09,261 --> 00:43:10,193 Dibbsy! 685 00:43:10,762 --> 00:43:11,956 Abe? 686 00:43:12,397 --> 00:43:15,195 You old duffer! How's the boy? 687 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:16,526 My God, you're back! 688 00:43:16,735 --> 00:43:18,862 Long time no see, pal. 689 00:43:19,071 --> 00:43:21,835 l bet you thought that was Fielding for a while. 690 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:23,507 lt's kind of dark in here. 691 00:43:23,709 --> 00:43:26,542 You know how l knew it wasn't Abe Fielding? 692 00:43:26,745 --> 00:43:29,077 Because l'm Abe Fielding! 693 00:43:29,615 --> 00:43:30,707 Remember? 694 00:43:30,949 --> 00:43:33,281 -How you doing, you old duffer? -Fine! 695 00:43:34,019 --> 00:43:35,111 Hey, Dibbsy. 696 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:36,344 -Give me a wet one. -A what? 697 00:43:36,555 --> 00:43:37,852 Come on, come on! 698 00:43:40,926 --> 00:43:43,451 -Have you lost your mind? -Look at that tie. 699 00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:45,425 Not even a phone call in 5 months. 700 00:43:45,631 --> 00:43:47,462 l'm not saying you didn't deserve-- 701 00:43:47,866 --> 00:43:49,356 Everybody deserves a vacation. 702 00:43:49,568 --> 00:43:51,593 No lectures, no lectures. 703 00:43:52,271 --> 00:43:54,569 But how am l supposed to run a business-- 704 00:43:54,773 --> 00:43:57,071 -Brandy still your drink? -l don't drink. 705 00:43:57,276 --> 00:43:59,005 Still can't get him to drink. 706 00:43:59,211 --> 00:44:01,236 -This is my best friend, Eddie. -Elaine! 707 00:44:01,446 --> 00:44:02,913 -No, Eddie. -Rupert. 708 00:44:03,115 --> 00:44:05,913 -What are you doing here? -l have some papers... 709 00:44:06,118 --> 00:44:09,246 ...that need power of attorney. But you can sign them. 710 00:44:09,454 --> 00:44:11,081 l just need your signature. 711 00:44:11,290 --> 00:44:12,951 -You want my ''Fielding''? -Sure. 712 00:44:13,158 --> 00:44:16,491 -You bet! -l want it right there, and there. 713 00:44:16,929 --> 00:44:18,760 How are you fixed for cash? 714 00:44:19,598 --> 00:44:20,587 We're a little short. 715 00:44:21,567 --> 00:44:23,762 -We? -We got some things to do downtown. 716 00:44:24,603 --> 00:44:26,161 l understand. 717 00:44:26,738 --> 00:44:29,605 There you go. l think that should take care of it. 718 00:44:30,676 --> 00:44:34,442 Abe, why don't you tell him about the credit cards you lost? 719 00:44:36,782 --> 00:44:39,615 -l don't know what l did with them. -This should take care of that. 720 00:44:39,818 --> 00:44:41,615 Look at that! Dibbsy to the rescue. 721 00:44:41,820 --> 00:44:43,788 Just like the old days. What a guy! 722 00:44:44,189 --> 00:44:45,554 Looking in the pink. 723 00:44:45,757 --> 00:44:48,920 -That's my color, pal. -You back for a while? 724 00:44:49,127 --> 00:44:51,459 You better ask the little lady about that. 725 00:44:51,663 --> 00:44:53,858 Going to be sticking around for a while. 726 00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,229 Credit cards. Money! 727 00:44:57,703 --> 00:44:59,136 Pussy! 728 00:44:59,471 --> 00:45:01,962 -You bet your boots. -Elaine, you look great. 729 00:45:02,174 --> 00:45:03,698 l'll see you soon, Abe. 730 00:45:03,909 --> 00:45:06,002 -Welcome home. -Nice to see you again. 731 00:45:06,878 --> 00:45:08,971 lt was a pleasure. Maybe l'll see you again. 732 00:45:09,181 --> 00:45:11,445 You can bank on it. 733 00:45:14,620 --> 00:45:17,783 Who is that bum? Why don't you get rid of him? 734 00:45:18,090 --> 00:45:21,025 You know, Dibbsy, you're my business manager... 735 00:45:21,226 --> 00:45:24,059 ...and l respect you for that... 736 00:45:24,263 --> 00:45:27,790 ...but don't ever call my friend a shithead again! 737 00:45:28,033 --> 00:45:29,364 l said no such thi-- 738 00:45:30,469 --> 00:45:31,697 Okay? 739 00:45:35,874 --> 00:45:38,001 Okay, good night. 740 00:45:38,443 --> 00:45:39,740 See you soon. 741 00:45:41,346 --> 00:45:43,109 Hey, Dibbsy! 742 00:45:47,052 --> 00:45:51,079 -Ready to turn in, sweetheart? -That was so rude! 743 00:45:51,356 --> 00:45:52,823 What do you mean? 744 00:45:53,025 --> 00:45:56,324 l can't believe you'd talk to Rupert that way. 745 00:45:56,528 --> 00:46:00,259 -After everything he's done for you! -l didn't mean to be rude. 746 00:46:00,465 --> 00:46:02,956 -l was just-- -Stop. Don't try and explain. 747 00:46:03,168 --> 00:46:06,001 l'm going to bed alone. 748 00:46:44,509 --> 00:46:45,567 What? 749 00:46:46,478 --> 00:46:48,446 Can l say just one thing to you? 750 00:46:48,647 --> 00:46:51,115 -What? -Goodbye forever, dear. 751 00:46:56,421 --> 00:46:59,322 -Where are you going? -l can't stay in this house. 752 00:46:59,524 --> 00:47:01,151 l mustn't be here alone with you. 753 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,351 What's the problem? Eddie's coming back. 754 00:47:03,562 --> 00:47:04,586 -Look at me! -l can't. 755 00:47:04,796 --> 00:47:07,026 lf l do, l'm a goner. l'll never leave. 756 00:47:07,232 --> 00:47:09,723 You remind me of a girl l was in love with. 757 00:47:09,935 --> 00:47:11,903 l thought l was in love till l met you. 758 00:47:12,104 --> 00:47:14,436 l got her to love me by lying, and l must not! 759 00:47:14,639 --> 00:47:17,540 -l mustn't do that again! -Look at me! 760 00:47:17,743 --> 00:47:19,836 -Are you leaving me? -l'm not Abe! 761 00:47:20,045 --> 00:47:22,036 l'm not married to you! l'm George! 762 00:47:22,247 --> 00:47:24,511 l'm a Volvo salesman for Horst Mueller! 763 00:47:25,050 --> 00:47:26,278 Look at me! 764 00:47:26,485 --> 00:47:27,577 -Taxi! -Wait, wait. 765 00:47:28,353 --> 00:47:29,786 Just give me a kiss goodbye. 766 00:47:29,988 --> 00:47:32,286 -A kiss? -One little kiss. 767 00:47:38,463 --> 00:47:39,452 Taxi! 768 00:47:44,436 --> 00:47:48,167 George, if what you say is true, l find that admirable. 769 00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:49,931 You were honest with her. 770 00:47:50,142 --> 00:47:52,906 You left the woman you loved rather than lie to her. 771 00:47:53,111 --> 00:47:54,476 How do you feel? 772 00:47:54,679 --> 00:47:55,839 Who took my red? 773 00:47:56,047 --> 00:47:57,207 l'm asking you-- 774 00:47:57,416 --> 00:47:59,976 l'll answer you, but who took my red? 775 00:48:04,589 --> 00:48:09,185 l can't believe l had the red at the exact moment that you wanted it. 776 00:48:10,395 --> 00:48:11,453 l should be stripped... 777 00:48:11,663 --> 00:48:15,565 ...and have scalding soup ladled over my genitals by Dolly Parton. 778 00:48:15,767 --> 00:48:17,667 Philip, put a clam on it, will you? 779 00:48:17,869 --> 00:48:18,858 Sorry. 780 00:48:19,371 --> 00:48:22,807 George, how does it feel to be an honest person? 781 00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:24,739 Where's my green? 782 00:48:24,943 --> 00:48:27,741 Did you pump up your mickey before you showed it to her? 783 00:48:28,013 --> 00:48:28,980 Who has the green? 784 00:48:29,181 --> 00:48:33,515 Sometimes a patient's first day away from the clinic can be stressful. 785 00:48:33,718 --> 00:48:36,152 ls it possible there was no Mrs. Fielding? 786 00:48:36,354 --> 00:48:37,719 Wait a minute! 787 00:48:37,923 --> 00:48:41,689 Maybe he is Abe Fielding, and he was lying to us about that too. 788 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:43,593 What do you think? 789 00:48:45,430 --> 00:48:46,863 Just a theory. 790 00:48:47,132 --> 00:48:49,532 Poor Mrs. Fielding. 791 00:48:49,734 --> 00:48:51,167 l bet she's crying her eyes out. 792 00:48:57,342 --> 00:48:59,173 That's enough. Stop it! 793 00:48:59,377 --> 00:49:03,643 l'm not saying that you don't have some limited acting ability. 794 00:49:03,849 --> 00:49:08,479 Limited acting ability? Listen, bud, these are real tears here. 795 00:49:08,687 --> 00:49:12,748 When l hired you, you told me you were a professional actress. 796 00:49:12,958 --> 00:49:14,425 l am! Sort of. 797 00:49:14,626 --> 00:49:19,222 All right, l'm basically a vocalist, but l am studying acting. 798 00:49:19,431 --> 00:49:23,060 l'm told by my teacher that l'm remarkably naturalistic. 799 00:49:23,268 --> 00:49:26,760 That's not quite what you told me two Abe Fieldings ago, is it? 800 00:49:26,972 --> 00:49:29,941 Excuse me, they both believed l was Mrs. Abe Fielding. 801 00:49:30,141 --> 00:49:34,407 And let me also add this. l think that my accent was impeccable. 802 00:49:34,613 --> 00:49:38,105 Despite your impeccable accent, they both chose to leave. 803 00:49:38,316 --> 00:49:39,943 That's not my fault. 804 00:49:40,151 --> 00:49:43,814 You can't take any nut and convince him he's Abe Fielding. 805 00:49:44,022 --> 00:49:45,421 That was not the job! 806 00:49:45,624 --> 00:49:48,354 l don't care if they think they are Abe Fielding. 807 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:52,394 The job was simply to entice him. 808 00:49:52,597 --> 00:49:57,000 To make them want to be Abe Fielding. But they're running from you. 809 00:49:57,202 --> 00:50:00,000 l will not be handled. 810 00:50:00,205 --> 00:50:02,833 l told you that when l took the job. 811 00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:06,101 And if that's changed, l don't want the job anyway. 812 00:50:06,311 --> 00:50:07,608 Well, that is just fine! 813 00:50:07,812 --> 00:50:10,713 Give my regards to the unemployment office... 814 00:50:10,916 --> 00:50:13,646 ...Miss Mimi Kravitz, ''professional actress.'' 815 00:50:13,852 --> 00:50:16,116 You'll be spending a lot of time there. 816 00:50:18,990 --> 00:50:22,255 You've got an unerring instinct for the jugular. 817 00:50:22,460 --> 00:50:24,553 l'd like that last Fielding back. 818 00:50:24,763 --> 00:50:26,492 The liar. 819 00:50:26,698 --> 00:50:28,165 The liar is perfect. 820 00:50:28,366 --> 00:50:32,962 Not him. Come on, l felt kind of sorry for that guy. 821 00:50:33,171 --> 00:50:35,639 Why on earth would you feel sorry for him? 822 00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:39,139 Nothing bad will happen to him. Would you like a cappuccino? 823 00:50:39,344 --> 00:50:42,507 All right. But not that poor chump. 824 00:50:42,714 --> 00:50:44,477 l think he was a little soft on me. 825 00:50:44,683 --> 00:50:46,412 Why wouldn't he be soft on you? 826 00:50:46,851 --> 00:50:48,182 You're a beautiful girl. 827 00:50:50,956 --> 00:50:51,786 Sit down. 828 00:50:59,230 --> 00:51:03,189 What say you take another crack at that role? 829 00:51:03,401 --> 00:51:05,369 He won't come back without his friend. 830 00:51:05,971 --> 00:51:07,268 Don't worry about him. 831 00:51:07,472 --> 00:51:09,269 His friend is mine for bail money. 832 00:51:09,474 --> 00:51:10,532 He's in jail? 833 00:51:10,742 --> 00:51:11,766 l had him arrested. 834 00:51:11,977 --> 00:51:14,138 The schmuck stole Abe's credit cards. 835 00:51:14,346 --> 00:51:14,379 Bail money? You want me to work your rinky-dink scam for bail money? 836 00:51:14,379 --> 00:51:18,713 Bail money? You want me to work your rinky-dink scam for bail money? 837 00:51:19,684 --> 00:51:22,278 No one is trying to get you to run anything. 838 00:51:22,687 --> 00:51:26,145 l just want you to bring your friend back for one week. 839 00:51:26,358 --> 00:51:30,886 Unless you want to stay in here, l suggest you do as l ask. 840 00:51:31,096 --> 00:51:34,122 Tell me, is this a sink or a toilet? 841 00:51:34,332 --> 00:51:35,924 Stick your head in and find out. 842 00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:39,900 Let me explain something. l don't work with amateurs. 843 00:51:40,105 --> 00:51:41,663 Like singers and actors. 844 00:51:41,873 --> 00:51:45,001 There's only one singer involved, and that's Mimi Kravitz. 845 00:51:45,210 --> 00:51:48,304 The rest of these people happen to be damn fine actors. 846 00:51:48,513 --> 00:51:49,980 l cast them myself. 847 00:51:50,515 --> 00:51:54,542 That's Jerome Handy as ''Al the Bookie.'' 848 00:51:54,753 --> 00:51:59,247 Did you see his Man of La Mancha last season at the Pasadena Playhouse? 849 00:51:59,591 --> 00:52:00,819 l'm afraid l missed that. 850 00:52:01,026 --> 00:52:02,891 lt was super. 851 00:52:03,094 --> 00:52:06,222 You've never run a professional scam in your life, have you? 852 00:52:06,431 --> 00:52:10,731 No, of course not. l'm a legitimate businessman. 853 00:52:10,935 --> 00:52:12,527 l run Abe's business. 854 00:52:12,737 --> 00:52:13,829 l thought so. 855 00:52:14,039 --> 00:52:17,372 A professional would never use amateurs. 856 00:52:17,575 --> 00:52:18,906 They crack out of turn. 857 00:52:19,110 --> 00:52:20,771 l don't know what that means. 858 00:52:21,046 --> 00:52:23,537 lt means that l'm a professional con man. 859 00:52:23,748 --> 00:52:26,512 This is what l do for a living. 860 00:52:26,718 --> 00:52:29,346 What you got here is not a professional con. 861 00:52:29,587 --> 00:52:30,884 What l got here... 862 00:52:32,090 --> 00:52:33,819 ...is $1 0,000. 863 00:52:34,159 --> 00:52:38,528 And it's for you if you just bring your friend back for one week. 864 00:52:39,864 --> 00:52:41,388 You have to tell me more. 865 00:52:41,599 --> 00:52:43,089 l will, in due time-- 866 00:52:43,301 --> 00:52:44,893 Excuse me! 867 00:52:45,470 --> 00:52:46,835 Oh, please! 868 00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:52,171 Just take five grand now as a down payment, okay? 869 00:52:52,377 --> 00:52:55,278 l don't usually work with amateurs. 870 00:52:57,816 --> 00:53:00,478 But you've caught me at the right time. 871 00:53:06,057 --> 00:53:08,423 -Wish me luck! -Wait a minute. 872 00:53:08,626 --> 00:53:09,490 What? 873 00:53:09,694 --> 00:53:12,686 Nothing. l've just got to pave the way for you. 874 00:53:12,897 --> 00:53:16,355 -What do you mean? -l talked to a psychiatrist. 875 00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:20,368 You've got to take it slow and easy with this ''George'' shit. 876 00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:22,904 She still thinks you're Abe. 877 00:53:23,808 --> 00:53:25,605 All right? She's in denial. 878 00:53:25,810 --> 00:53:30,179 She's got what they call, medically speaking, a bum head. 879 00:53:30,882 --> 00:53:32,281 Oh, dear! 880 00:53:32,484 --> 00:53:36,511 After l talk to her, you can come up and do your stuff, okay? 881 00:53:37,655 --> 00:53:38,747 Don't be long. 882 00:53:43,128 --> 00:53:45,028 Am l interrupting? 883 00:53:45,897 --> 00:53:47,660 lt's the ''Thriller from Manila!'' 884 00:53:48,166 --> 00:53:49,565 That's me. 885 00:53:51,770 --> 00:53:53,897 Fourteen rounds, you know. 886 00:53:54,506 --> 00:53:56,531 l was scared to go fifteen. 887 00:53:57,609 --> 00:53:58,974 Did Dibbs tell you l'm in? 888 00:53:59,177 --> 00:54:01,509 Yes, he told me. 889 00:54:03,615 --> 00:54:05,879 Zeppo, could you leave us for a minute? 890 00:54:06,084 --> 00:54:07,881 Yeah, l'll take over from here. 891 00:54:09,487 --> 00:54:10,385 What do you want? 892 00:54:10,588 --> 00:54:13,352 To tell you l think the guy's in love with you. 893 00:54:13,558 --> 00:54:14,650 He's downstairs. 894 00:54:29,073 --> 00:54:31,701 Hey, Duane, give the man a break! 895 00:54:31,910 --> 00:54:33,002 Come on. 896 00:54:33,878 --> 00:54:36,711 l'll let you hump my leg. Come on, baby. 897 00:54:36,915 --> 00:54:39,008 lt's all right. You can come out now. 898 00:54:42,020 --> 00:54:43,351 Good boy! 899 00:54:45,456 --> 00:54:47,356 Guess who's here? 900 00:54:48,526 --> 00:54:50,153 Honey! 901 00:54:50,562 --> 00:54:51,927 l'm home! 902 00:54:52,463 --> 00:54:54,863 And l'm ready for love! 903 00:54:56,801 --> 00:54:59,429 Honey, it's me. 904 00:55:01,573 --> 00:55:05,031 Remember me from in the car downstairs a little while ago? 905 00:55:05,476 --> 00:55:08,468 l made a joke, Eddie. Am l interrupting something? 906 00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,649 No, we're just talking and-- Never mind. 907 00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:14,216 You two keep talking. Get together. 908 00:55:14,419 --> 00:55:16,046 -See you later. -You're damn right. 909 00:55:22,193 --> 00:55:24,093 So, long time no see. 910 00:55:24,295 --> 00:55:25,660 What are you doing here? 911 00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:28,594 l brought you some candy and some flowers... 912 00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:31,064 ...and to tell you that you and l had something. 913 00:55:31,269 --> 00:55:33,897 l saw it in your eyes, and Eddie saw it too. 914 00:55:34,105 --> 00:55:34,969 Don't deny it. 915 00:55:35,173 --> 00:55:37,334 What are you saying? That you'd like to stay? 916 00:55:37,542 --> 00:55:40,375 Would l like to stay here with you? 917 00:55:40,578 --> 00:55:42,603 Are you kidding? 918 00:55:44,315 --> 00:55:46,476 lf l could stay here with you, l'd climb-- 919 00:55:46,684 --> 00:55:48,743 l would swim-- 920 00:55:48,953 --> 00:55:50,818 l would make myself into a-- 921 00:55:51,022 --> 00:55:52,990 l would stay forever if you'd let me. 922 00:55:53,191 --> 00:55:55,751 Let's just see if we can get along, okay, doll? 923 00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,018 For a week or so. 924 00:55:57,228 --> 00:56:00,994 l want much more than that. l want to know all about you. 925 00:56:01,199 --> 00:56:03,497 l'd like you to know all about me too. 926 00:56:03,701 --> 00:56:06,932 We might just find out we have a lot in common. 927 00:56:07,171 --> 00:56:09,435 What could we have in common? 928 00:56:10,808 --> 00:56:14,835 -l love basil. You like basil? -lt doesn't sweep me off my feet. 929 00:56:15,046 --> 00:56:17,071 My favorite color's brown. 930 00:56:17,282 --> 00:56:19,273 l get Reader's Digest. l love yodeling. 931 00:56:19,484 --> 00:56:22,817 My favorite food is Wiener schnitzel. 932 00:56:23,021 --> 00:56:24,750 Do you like Wiener schnitzel? 933 00:56:24,956 --> 00:56:25,923 You do! 934 00:56:26,124 --> 00:56:28,251 l hit a bone! l hit a nerve! 935 00:56:28,459 --> 00:56:30,689 l hit something. l can see it in your eyes. 936 00:56:30,895 --> 00:56:33,955 l'm going to win you over. l'm going to romance you. 937 00:56:34,165 --> 00:56:35,962 l'll wine you and l'll dine you. 938 00:56:36,167 --> 00:56:40,297 One day, you're going to feel about me the way l feel about you. 939 00:56:53,451 --> 00:56:55,214 You look really familiar. 940 00:56:55,620 --> 00:56:57,178 How you doing, legs? 941 00:56:57,588 --> 00:56:58,885 The name is Gloria... 942 00:56:59,090 --> 00:57:00,114 ...not ''legs.'' 943 00:57:00,792 --> 00:57:01,781 You! 944 00:57:02,260 --> 00:57:03,557 l've been dreaming about you. 945 00:57:03,761 --> 00:57:04,625 Why are you here? 946 00:57:04,829 --> 00:57:07,855 l'm here to see Dibbs. l got an important appointment. 947 00:57:08,566 --> 00:57:09,533 Yeah, right. 948 00:57:11,636 --> 00:57:12,967 This report-- 949 00:57:14,939 --> 00:57:15,837 How's the boy? 950 00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,133 l'm glad you could make it. This can wait. 951 00:57:18,343 --> 00:57:20,038 Ever been to a brewery before? 952 00:57:20,244 --> 00:57:21,438 How about a little tour? 953 00:57:21,646 --> 00:57:24,843 That'd be great. Listen, you busy Saturday night? 954 00:57:25,750 --> 00:57:27,411 Maybe, maybe not. 955 00:57:28,953 --> 00:57:30,420 That's nice. l like that. 956 00:57:30,621 --> 00:57:32,486 l'll see you Saturday night, okay? 957 00:57:32,690 --> 00:57:34,988 -You paying? -That's cute. 958 00:57:35,660 --> 00:57:36,786 Fine thing. 959 00:57:40,999 --> 00:57:45,129 When Abe Fielding, Sr., died, everyone assumed l'd inherit the brewery. 960 00:57:45,336 --> 00:57:46,826 lt turns out he has a son. 961 00:57:47,038 --> 00:57:49,097 -Can we talk about Gloria? -Later. 962 00:57:49,307 --> 00:57:50,501 So as l was saying... 963 00:57:50,708 --> 00:57:54,144 ...we finally track down this Abe Jr. 1 0 minutes after... 964 00:57:54,345 --> 00:57:56,973 ...an ugly accident during a Dance of Death. 965 00:57:57,181 --> 00:57:58,876 The guy had gone off to Tibet. 966 00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:01,677 -Could we talk about Gloria? -Do you mind? 967 00:58:01,886 --> 00:58:04,946 Anyway, the only way to keep the estate out of probate... 968 00:58:05,156 --> 00:58:07,647 ...was to convince someone to be Abe Jr. 969 00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:10,419 We found George in the loony bin. A liar. Get it? 970 00:58:10,628 --> 00:58:14,496 We doctored up a photo, hired a couple of actors, and here we are. 971 00:58:14,699 --> 00:58:16,633 Does she always look that good? 972 00:58:16,834 --> 00:58:20,861 Sorry, I think I'II find out for myseIf Saturday night. 973 00:58:45,596 --> 00:58:47,860 Maybe we could go and do a little padumph. 974 00:58:48,066 --> 00:58:49,556 -Padumph? -Yeah. 975 00:58:50,201 --> 00:58:53,136 -l've done that before. -l think you'll enjoy it. 976 00:58:57,809 --> 00:58:59,140 See that guy over there? 977 00:58:59,710 --> 00:59:02,474 He's one of the best sax players l've ever heard. 978 00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:03,738 What's his name? 979 00:59:08,586 --> 00:59:10,019 Eddie Dash, right? 980 00:59:10,421 --> 00:59:11,752 Yeah, amazing. 981 00:59:16,828 --> 00:59:18,159 Ladies and gentlemen... 982 00:59:18,663 --> 00:59:21,257 ...we have someone very special here tonight. 983 00:59:21,466 --> 00:59:24,435 One of the greatest sax players around. 984 00:59:24,635 --> 00:59:27,229 The one and only Mr. Eddie Dash! 985 00:59:33,911 --> 00:59:34,809 They got the wrong-- 986 00:59:35,012 --> 00:59:36,036 Come on, man. 987 00:59:36,647 --> 00:59:37,841 Oh, God, no! 988 00:59:43,521 --> 00:59:44,510 Just go. 989 00:59:44,722 --> 00:59:46,189 Just go? 990 00:59:58,136 --> 00:59:59,262 What will it be? 991 00:59:59,937 --> 01:00:01,598 lt really doesn't matter. 992 01:00:02,406 --> 01:00:03,668 The guy's a pro. 993 01:00:45,416 --> 01:00:47,008 lt's interpretation. 994 01:00:50,421 --> 01:00:51,388 Everybody! 995 01:01:04,135 --> 01:01:05,227 Oh, my God. 996 01:01:19,817 --> 01:01:21,216 You know a lot of people here. 997 01:01:21,419 --> 01:01:23,580 l used to come here all the time. 998 01:01:25,289 --> 01:01:26,517 This is us, honey. 999 01:01:26,724 --> 01:01:28,089 This is your table. 1000 01:01:34,498 --> 01:01:36,796 Would you excuse me for a minute? 1001 01:01:41,906 --> 01:01:43,066 Here's the music. 1002 01:01:52,950 --> 01:01:54,440 Good evening, honey. 1003 01:01:58,756 --> 01:01:59,654 You know... 1004 01:02:00,691 --> 01:02:02,716 ...as we look towards the east... 1005 01:02:02,927 --> 01:02:04,758 ...and see a united DeutschIand... 1006 01:02:04,962 --> 01:02:07,192 ...it behooves us to stop and think... 1007 01:02:07,398 --> 01:02:09,332 ...about what walls can do. 1008 01:02:09,533 --> 01:02:11,660 Walls between nations. 1009 01:02:13,004 --> 01:02:14,904 Walls between peoples. 1010 01:02:17,541 --> 01:02:20,704 Walls between you and me, Elaine. 1011 01:02:22,980 --> 01:02:26,313 But if that darned wall in Berlin town can come down... 1012 01:02:26,517 --> 01:02:28,508 ...then maybe it's not too much to expect... 1013 01:02:28,719 --> 01:02:31,517 ...the wall between us to come down too. 1014 01:02:31,722 --> 01:02:32,984 Who knows? 1015 01:02:33,190 --> 01:02:34,817 Maybe it just takes a dance. 1016 01:02:35,893 --> 01:02:36,723 Or a glance. 1017 01:02:38,829 --> 01:02:40,319 Or a chance... 1018 01:02:41,966 --> 01:02:43,866 ...to sing a song. 1019 01:02:44,835 --> 01:02:46,166 l call this... 1020 01:02:47,171 --> 01:02:48,138 ...''Yodelaine.'' 1021 01:02:51,409 --> 01:02:52,967 Get off the stage! 1022 01:02:54,645 --> 01:02:56,374 Yo-deI... 1023 01:02:59,617 --> 01:03:00,879 ...EIaine 1024 01:03:01,085 --> 01:03:03,212 My heart's afIame 1025 01:03:07,992 --> 01:03:09,926 YodeIaine 1026 01:03:10,127 --> 01:03:12,027 I'm not insane 1027 01:03:21,339 --> 01:03:22,738 YodeIaine 1028 01:03:23,274 --> 01:03:25,037 You screwed my brain 1029 01:03:30,114 --> 01:03:31,877 My EIaine 1030 01:03:32,416 --> 01:03:33,508 I Iove you 1031 01:03:57,608 --> 01:03:59,166 Oh, my God! 1032 01:03:59,710 --> 01:04:01,803 lt's Mimi Kravitz! 1033 01:04:38,315 --> 01:04:40,647 Don't tell anybody about this. 1034 01:04:56,867 --> 01:04:58,630 I'm in the mood for Iove 1035 01:04:58,836 --> 01:04:59,666 Damn! 1036 01:05:13,417 --> 01:05:15,612 Hey, what are you doing up there? 1037 01:05:16,487 --> 01:05:17,954 l know you're in the swing of things... 1038 01:05:18,155 --> 01:05:20,020 ...but we got business to take care of. 1039 01:05:20,224 --> 01:05:21,054 What business? 1040 01:05:21,258 --> 01:05:24,386 We got to check him into the dentist as Abe Fielding. 1041 01:05:24,595 --> 01:05:27,564 -Why? -Dibbs wants to see his dental charts. 1042 01:05:36,674 --> 01:05:36,740 Mr. Fielding? 1043 01:05:36,740 --> 01:05:37,866 Mr. Fielding? 1044 01:05:38,075 --> 01:05:40,441 Are you still feeling the effects? 1045 01:05:40,644 --> 01:05:43,112 Can you say something, Mr. Fielding? 1046 01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:44,781 Don't call... 1047 01:05:44,982 --> 01:05:46,643 ...my friend a shithead. 1048 01:05:48,285 --> 01:05:49,809 Of course he has. 1049 01:05:50,554 --> 01:05:51,680 Well, okay. 1050 01:05:52,089 --> 01:05:53,818 Now, Mr. Fielding... 1051 01:05:54,725 --> 01:05:56,784 ...you just have one cavity. 1052 01:05:56,994 --> 01:05:59,827 So all you will hear is the sound of the drill. 1053 01:06:02,433 --> 01:06:03,593 Tragic. 1054 01:06:04,401 --> 01:06:05,698 Were there any survivors? 1055 01:06:05,903 --> 01:06:08,064 No one. The thing blew up! 1056 01:06:08,272 --> 01:06:09,170 How awful. 1057 01:06:09,740 --> 01:06:13,972 Says here that the bodies were charred beyond recognition. 1058 01:06:14,178 --> 01:06:15,372 Oh, my God! 1059 01:06:16,914 --> 01:06:19,041 At least they'll know who they're burying. 1060 01:06:19,250 --> 01:06:21,081 How will they know? 1061 01:06:21,285 --> 01:06:25,449 From the dental records. They'll check the dental records. 1062 01:06:25,890 --> 01:06:27,482 Oh, yeah, you're right. 1063 01:06:36,433 --> 01:06:38,458 Abe Fielding. What cubicle is he in? 1064 01:06:38,669 --> 01:06:40,364 -Who? -You don't know him? 1065 01:06:41,705 --> 01:06:43,070 lt's not what you think. 1066 01:06:43,274 --> 01:06:45,504 Then why does Dibbs want the dental charts? 1067 01:06:45,709 --> 01:06:46,835 l'll make a deal with George. 1068 01:06:47,044 --> 01:06:51,037 He'll hang out till the end of the week, and then l get my money. 1069 01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,211 But getting killed was not part of the deal. 1070 01:06:59,423 --> 01:07:02,153 Dibbs would never kill anyone. lt's not in him. 1071 01:07:04,495 --> 01:07:05,359 Excuse me. 1072 01:07:07,965 --> 01:07:10,263 Sweetheart, we're getting out of here. 1073 01:07:11,135 --> 01:07:12,159 We got to go. 1074 01:07:13,971 --> 01:07:15,871 Dibbs wants you dead, all right? 1075 01:07:16,073 --> 01:07:17,506 Get this. Listen carefully. 1076 01:07:17,708 --> 01:07:19,175 He wants you dead... 1077 01:07:19,376 --> 01:07:23,335 ...so he can bury you as Fielding and inherit the company. 1078 01:07:28,185 --> 01:07:29,846 You must all leave! 1079 01:07:30,621 --> 01:07:32,213 No, she leaves... 1080 01:07:32,423 --> 01:07:34,186 ...l leave, he stays. 1081 01:07:34,391 --> 01:07:37,690 No, no. l leave, you leave, he leaves. 1082 01:07:37,895 --> 01:07:39,624 No, he must stay! 1083 01:07:39,830 --> 01:07:41,024 He has a cavity. 1084 01:07:41,532 --> 01:07:42,521 You leave! 1085 01:07:44,768 --> 01:07:46,235 Show us the cavity. 1086 01:07:54,745 --> 01:07:57,145 Oh, you got a rise, Mr. Fielding! 1087 01:07:59,550 --> 01:08:00,380 Ride 'em, cowboy! 1088 01:08:04,888 --> 01:08:06,549 Of all the gall! 1089 01:08:08,859 --> 01:08:12,625 Did l ever say that anything bad was going to happen to him? 1090 01:08:12,830 --> 01:08:16,129 You never said it to me. He never said it to me. 1091 01:08:16,834 --> 01:08:19,860 Why did we take him to all those doctors and dentists? 1092 01:08:20,070 --> 01:08:20,900 Wait a minute. 1093 01:08:21,105 --> 01:08:23,801 lt was to establish that he was Abe Fielding, right? 1094 01:08:24,008 --> 01:08:26,374 Yes, that is right. And that is because... 1095 01:08:26,577 --> 01:08:29,637 ...there are certain financial transactions l can't make... 1096 01:08:29,847 --> 01:08:32,281 -...unless Abe Fielding is alive. -He's right. 1097 01:08:32,950 --> 01:08:34,747 l want to tell you something. 1098 01:08:34,952 --> 01:08:36,078 Quite frankly, l expected... 1099 01:08:36,286 --> 01:08:38,447 ...more support out of you, more gratitude. 1100 01:08:38,656 --> 01:08:41,955 For the money l'm paying, l could've hired a real actress. 1101 01:08:42,226 --> 01:08:43,659 That's it. That's the button. 1102 01:08:43,861 --> 01:08:46,022 You pushed it. l'm out of here! Sayonara! 1103 01:08:46,230 --> 01:08:48,323 -l'm going back to my old job. -What's that? 1104 01:08:48,532 --> 01:08:51,865 Yodeling in a hillbilly nightclub? Just what does that pay? 1105 01:08:52,069 --> 01:08:54,594 The man is just trying to reassure you. 1106 01:08:54,805 --> 01:08:55,897 By the way... 1107 01:08:56,106 --> 01:08:58,597 ...what business is it of yours what happens to him? 1108 01:08:59,076 --> 01:09:00,839 l'm making it my business, okay? 1109 01:09:02,046 --> 01:09:04,879 Have we fallen in love with the lunatic? 1110 01:09:05,149 --> 01:09:08,016 No, the lady's not in love with him. 1111 01:09:08,218 --> 01:09:10,948 She don't want to get involved in a murder rap thing. 1112 01:09:11,155 --> 01:09:12,019 Murder. 1113 01:09:12,589 --> 01:09:13,749 Wait for me in the car. 1114 01:09:13,957 --> 01:09:17,017 You got his guarantee that there ain't going to be no hit. 1115 01:09:17,227 --> 01:09:18,660 There better not be. 1116 01:09:23,500 --> 01:09:24,865 Actresses, you know. 1117 01:09:25,069 --> 01:09:27,162 Can't live with them and can't kill them. 1118 01:09:27,371 --> 01:09:29,202 Everything's okay, right? 1119 01:09:29,707 --> 01:09:31,265 l mean, it looks cool to me. 1120 01:09:31,475 --> 01:09:33,067 Well, not quite. 1121 01:09:33,610 --> 01:09:34,634 Sit down. 1122 01:09:37,781 --> 01:09:40,341 There's one more thing l need you to do. 1123 01:09:40,551 --> 01:09:43,850 -Yeah, what? -l need you to dispose of the lunatic. 1124 01:09:45,122 --> 01:09:46,248 lce George? 1125 01:09:47,825 --> 01:09:49,816 l need Abe Fielding dead and buried. 1126 01:09:51,228 --> 01:09:53,219 lce George. 1127 01:09:53,430 --> 01:09:58,265 Now, please. Don't tell me that you're above this sort of thing. 1128 01:09:59,169 --> 01:10:03,162 l never iced anyone in my life. l'm a con man, not a hit man. 1129 01:10:04,241 --> 01:10:06,471 l think you have two qualities that are-- 1130 01:10:06,677 --> 01:10:07,871 Don't touch me. 1131 01:10:08,412 --> 01:10:09,936 First, you love money. 1132 01:10:10,647 --> 01:10:11,807 And second... 1133 01:10:12,583 --> 01:10:15,746 ...you have absolutely no moral character. What do you say? 1134 01:10:21,892 --> 01:10:24,690 -How much money we talking? -Name your price. 1135 01:10:24,895 --> 01:10:25,725 Look, Eddie. 1136 01:10:27,397 --> 01:10:29,695 Write down any figure you consider reasonable. 1137 01:10:29,900 --> 01:10:33,267 l'll pay you that amount in cash. Go on, knock yourself out. 1138 01:10:42,146 --> 01:10:43,875 Come on, we got to go. We're late. 1139 01:10:44,081 --> 01:10:45,343 l want to kiss her goodbye. 1140 01:10:45,549 --> 01:10:49,041 -She can't know about this. -l won't wake her. Just one kiss. 1141 01:10:55,125 --> 01:10:58,026 Look at that face. lsn't she cute? 1142 01:10:58,228 --> 01:10:59,525 Don't wake her up. 1143 01:10:59,730 --> 01:11:00,697 -Let's go. -What's that? 1144 01:11:00,898 --> 01:11:03,196 -This is your gun. -l could never shoot-- 1145 01:11:06,470 --> 01:11:07,596 Holy shit! 1146 01:11:14,278 --> 01:11:15,905 What happened? You all right? 1147 01:11:16,113 --> 01:11:17,080 Sorry, honey. 1148 01:11:17,281 --> 01:11:18,475 Fucking lunatic! 1149 01:11:30,127 --> 01:11:32,994 -I've never been in the woods before. -What? 1150 01:11:33,197 --> 01:11:35,665 The woods! I've never been in the woods before. 1151 01:11:35,866 --> 01:11:39,495 The most important thing you need to know is, if you see... 1152 01:11:39,703 --> 01:11:43,696 ...anything that Iooks Iike poison ivy, don't wipe your ass with it. 1153 01:11:49,046 --> 01:11:50,445 You old duck hunter! 1154 01:11:51,582 --> 01:11:53,311 -How's it going? -Fine. You? 1155 01:11:53,617 --> 01:11:55,551 Wouldn't miss it for the world! 1156 01:11:55,752 --> 01:11:59,085 Damn ducks! What the hell we need those ducks for? 1157 01:12:00,090 --> 01:12:01,955 What a day to kill a duck. 1158 01:12:03,060 --> 01:12:05,528 Maybe after the hunt we can shoot billiards. 1159 01:12:05,729 --> 01:12:07,196 What do you say? Here. 1160 01:12:07,397 --> 01:12:09,422 l picked this out for you myself. 1161 01:12:09,967 --> 01:12:11,764 This is your hunting jacket. 1162 01:12:11,969 --> 01:12:13,095 That is great! 1163 01:12:15,505 --> 01:12:17,598 -Thanks, Dibbsy. -lt looks wonderful. 1164 01:12:17,808 --> 01:12:18,866 You know who you look like? 1165 01:12:19,076 --> 01:12:19,906 Ernest Hemingway. 1166 01:12:20,110 --> 01:12:21,270 -Honest? -Doesn't he? 1167 01:12:23,046 --> 01:12:24,809 Look, l hate to rush. 1168 01:12:25,549 --> 01:12:28,177 Something unexpected came up. l can't go with you. 1169 01:12:28,385 --> 01:12:30,785 -Why not? -Business. That's life. 1170 01:12:30,988 --> 01:12:32,649 Emergency at the plant. 1171 01:12:32,856 --> 01:12:35,586 The ducks won't wait. They don't care about business. 1172 01:12:35,792 --> 01:12:36,918 Come on. Let's go. 1173 01:12:37,127 --> 01:12:38,856 Did you shoot all these yourself? 1174 01:12:39,062 --> 01:12:41,929 You did. And all the Fieldings before you. 1175 01:12:42,366 --> 01:12:44,926 -Ducks for dinner tonight! -Happy hunting! 1176 01:12:45,135 --> 01:12:48,104 Wait in the truck. l got to go to the bathroom. 1177 01:12:48,639 --> 01:12:51,039 -Happy hunting! -l got to talk to you. 1178 01:12:52,943 --> 01:12:56,777 You were supposed to come with us. What the fuck's going on? 1179 01:12:56,980 --> 01:13:00,143 Relax, will you? Just get him in the duck blind. 1180 01:13:00,350 --> 01:13:01,681 Blast a couple of ducks... 1181 01:13:01,885 --> 01:13:03,614 ...and then you yell, ''Look out! 1182 01:13:03,820 --> 01:13:06,584 There's a bear! Run for your life!'' Then you blast him. 1183 01:13:06,790 --> 01:13:08,519 There are no bears in a duck blind. 1184 01:13:08,725 --> 01:13:11,057 lt doesn't matter if there are bears or not! 1185 01:13:11,261 --> 01:13:14,628 Just yell, ''There's a bear!'' lt'll all be over before he knows it. 1186 01:13:16,466 --> 01:13:18,024 l want the other half of my money... 1187 01:13:18,235 --> 01:13:20,999 ...before people find out we're not burying Fielding. 1188 01:13:21,204 --> 01:13:22,535 There's no chance of that. 1189 01:13:22,739 --> 01:13:24,707 l have all the documents l need to prove... 1190 01:13:24,908 --> 01:13:26,876 ...that he is Abe Fielding. 1191 01:13:27,244 --> 01:13:29,405 You don't have to worry about it. 1192 01:13:29,780 --> 01:13:30,678 Come on! 1193 01:13:32,115 --> 01:13:34,015 This is a nice jacket he gave me. 1194 01:13:34,217 --> 01:13:36,617 lt must've cost him a pretty penny. 1195 01:13:36,820 --> 01:13:39,414 You got to put the collar up. You got to be cool. 1196 01:13:39,623 --> 01:13:40,453 How do you mean? 1197 01:13:40,657 --> 01:13:42,716 Classy. l like that. 1198 01:13:43,060 --> 01:13:44,049 -CooI? -CooI. 1199 01:13:44,394 --> 01:13:45,918 CooI, man. Like you? 1200 01:13:46,129 --> 01:13:46,959 I Iook Iike Eddie. 1201 01:13:49,700 --> 01:13:51,895 -Very nice. -Ducks! 1202 01:14:06,750 --> 01:14:07,717 Not now. 1203 01:14:07,918 --> 01:14:09,112 Take it easy. 1204 01:14:12,656 --> 01:14:13,520 Easy. 1205 01:14:15,125 --> 01:14:18,561 Keep flying! Go home! There's people down here with guns! 1206 01:14:18,996 --> 01:14:19,826 Get out of here! 1207 01:14:20,030 --> 01:14:21,930 Go back to your families! Get out! 1208 01:14:22,132 --> 01:14:23,360 Get out! Get out! 1209 01:14:23,567 --> 01:14:24,693 Why'd you do that? 1210 01:14:25,502 --> 01:14:27,766 To keep an innocent creature from being killed. 1211 01:14:27,971 --> 01:14:30,565 To save you from a lifetime of heartache and guilt. 1212 01:14:30,774 --> 01:14:32,935 -They're just ducks! -They're not just ducks! 1213 01:14:33,276 --> 01:14:35,437 They're alive! They're like you and me! 1214 01:14:35,645 --> 01:14:36,771 They're not like you and me. 1215 01:14:36,980 --> 01:14:39,574 They fly around and they shit on people. 1216 01:14:41,218 --> 01:14:44,585 Be kind to your web-footed friends 1217 01:14:45,956 --> 01:14:47,583 Cause a duck couId be-- 1218 01:14:48,658 --> 01:14:51,058 Could you freeze on the ''web-footed friends'' shit? 1219 01:14:51,261 --> 01:14:54,162 Sorry, l couldn't help think about those poor ducks. 1220 01:14:54,364 --> 01:14:56,628 -What was that? -What was what? 1221 01:14:57,267 --> 01:14:58,256 l heard something. 1222 01:15:00,003 --> 01:15:01,493 -Bird? -lt was a bear! 1223 01:15:01,705 --> 01:15:02,865 A bear! 1224 01:15:05,108 --> 01:15:05,938 Where? 1225 01:15:06,209 --> 01:15:07,642 l'm going to get it. 1226 01:15:08,512 --> 01:15:09,638 Do you see it? 1227 01:15:10,447 --> 01:15:12,642 -No, but it's a bear. -Where is it now? 1228 01:15:12,849 --> 01:15:15,943 -lt's a brown bear. -A big brown bear? 1229 01:15:18,755 --> 01:15:19,585 You were right. 1230 01:15:19,790 --> 01:15:20,654 l see it. 1231 01:15:20,857 --> 01:15:22,347 You put one of these.... 1232 01:15:22,559 --> 01:15:23,617 Oh, my God. 1233 01:15:25,662 --> 01:15:26,959 He's huge! 1234 01:15:27,164 --> 01:15:29,394 He's a great giant bear! 1235 01:15:32,903 --> 01:15:33,801 Don't worry. 1236 01:15:35,272 --> 01:15:36,102 Don't worry. 1237 01:15:36,573 --> 01:15:37,403 Sit. 1238 01:15:37,607 --> 01:15:38,574 Sit, baby. 1239 01:15:40,644 --> 01:15:42,168 He's going to rip off your dick! 1240 01:15:42,379 --> 01:15:43,471 Hello there. 1241 01:15:44,481 --> 01:15:45,778 Say, you're... 1242 01:15:45,982 --> 01:15:47,609 ...a big fellow, aren't you? 1243 01:15:49,820 --> 01:15:51,344 lf you understand what l'm saying... 1244 01:15:51,621 --> 01:15:53,521 ...raise your left hand. Good. 1245 01:15:53,723 --> 01:15:55,987 Now both of them. Very good! 1246 01:15:56,193 --> 01:15:57,785 What the fuck are you doing? 1247 01:15:59,463 --> 01:16:01,124 We want to express... 1248 01:16:02,365 --> 01:16:04,128 ...love for you. 1249 01:16:05,535 --> 01:16:07,628 Eddie and l come in peace. 1250 01:16:09,372 --> 01:16:12,899 Well, l see what you mean. You make a good point. 1251 01:16:14,778 --> 01:16:18,839 We saw your friends mounted on the wall at the lodge we just came from. 1252 01:16:19,049 --> 01:16:20,038 Tell you the truth... 1253 01:16:20,250 --> 01:16:23,219 ...Eddie and l found it disgusting. Didn't we? 1254 01:16:23,420 --> 01:16:25,217 Get the fuck out of the way! 1255 01:16:25,422 --> 01:16:26,787 l'm going to shoot it! 1256 01:16:27,757 --> 01:16:28,883 Don't shoot. 1257 01:16:29,092 --> 01:16:30,286 Don't shoot! 1258 01:16:41,271 --> 01:16:42,533 Well, kids... 1259 01:16:43,874 --> 01:16:48,140 ...it's time to ring down the curtain on this little production of ours. 1260 01:16:49,479 --> 01:16:52,004 l think we made a hit, don't you? 1261 01:16:52,782 --> 01:16:57,549 Leticia, l prophesy a big career for you. l mean that. 1262 01:16:57,754 --> 01:17:00,621 The memorial service will be in the Fielding chapel... 1263 01:17:00,824 --> 01:17:03,088 ...which is just adjoining the brewery. 1264 01:17:04,027 --> 01:17:05,255 Brewery! 1265 01:17:05,629 --> 01:17:08,530 l will be expecting the three of you to attend. 1266 01:17:08,865 --> 01:17:11,425 Just think of it as a curtain call. 1267 01:17:11,635 --> 01:17:13,830 So you're saying that we're burying him... 1268 01:17:14,037 --> 01:17:16,403 ...as Fielding, even though he wasn't Fielding. 1269 01:17:16,606 --> 01:17:18,972 Yes, l feel it's the least we can do. 1270 01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:22,612 You know, the poor guy had no family, no friends. 1271 01:17:22,812 --> 01:17:26,509 lt's a terrible tragedy, but accidents happen. 1272 01:17:27,784 --> 01:17:29,217 Don't they, Eddie? 1273 01:17:30,453 --> 01:17:31,750 lt was an accident. 1274 01:17:31,955 --> 01:17:33,013 Of course it was. 1275 01:17:33,223 --> 01:17:37,159 No one is saying it wasn't. Nobody blames you. 1276 01:17:37,827 --> 01:17:38,919 How do we play this? 1277 01:17:39,129 --> 01:17:40,619 Like we knew him as Abe? 1278 01:17:40,830 --> 01:17:43,890 Of course, Jerome. That's the whole point, isn't it? 1279 01:17:45,402 --> 01:17:47,199 Play it sad, but not morose. 1280 01:17:47,938 --> 01:17:49,803 Upset, but, please, no tears. 1281 01:17:51,074 --> 01:17:53,338 Poor guy. l feel awful. 1282 01:17:53,543 --> 01:17:55,374 Well, you use that, Eleanor. 1283 01:17:55,579 --> 01:17:59,071 Save it for later and use it. That's called ''method acting.'' 1284 01:17:59,282 --> 01:18:02,274 Look, everybody, l just want to express my gratitude... 1285 01:18:02,485 --> 01:18:04,715 ...to a very talented ensemble... 1286 01:18:04,921 --> 01:18:08,220 ...of thespians. Bravo! Bravissimo! 1287 01:18:36,386 --> 01:18:39,116 For Pete's sake! lf we knew you were Abe... 1288 01:18:39,322 --> 01:18:41,313 ...we might have been able to help you! 1289 01:18:47,931 --> 01:18:50,024 Now, that is a beautiful suit. 1290 01:18:50,233 --> 01:18:53,794 And that tie matches perfectly. But you need a handkerchief. 1291 01:18:54,004 --> 01:18:56,837 -Can l get a handkerchief? -Enough is enough! 1292 01:18:57,040 --> 01:18:59,338 Sit down in the pew, shut up and be good. 1293 01:18:59,542 --> 01:19:01,305 l always said you were full of shit. 1294 01:19:08,318 --> 01:19:10,013 We hardly knew you. 1295 01:19:11,254 --> 01:19:12,551 We knew your dad, though. 1296 01:19:12,889 --> 01:19:14,880 Many of us remember putting to rest... 1297 01:19:15,091 --> 01:19:19,960 ...rather, preserving the great man right here, not so long ago. 1298 01:19:20,397 --> 01:19:24,731 And now father and son can freeze in peace together. 1299 01:19:28,238 --> 01:19:31,469 Abe's best friend, Mr. Eddie Dash, is here. 1300 01:19:31,675 --> 01:19:33,199 He's going to say a few words. 1301 01:19:33,410 --> 01:19:36,106 Eddie, come and say a few words. 1302 01:19:39,049 --> 01:19:40,175 -Mr. Dibbs? -What? 1303 01:19:40,383 --> 01:19:43,284 There's an extremely urgent phone call for you. 1304 01:19:48,124 --> 01:19:49,250 Hey, hands off! 1305 01:19:54,364 --> 01:19:57,390 Abe was a nice man. 1306 01:19:57,734 --> 01:20:00,635 Yes, he was. Good man, Abe. 1307 01:20:02,806 --> 01:20:04,000 He liked basil. 1308 01:20:05,008 --> 01:20:06,441 He loved basil. 1309 01:20:06,643 --> 01:20:10,044 He used to say basil was a herb whose time had come. 1310 01:20:14,718 --> 01:20:16,083 Unfortunately, Abe... 1311 01:20:16,853 --> 01:20:18,878 ...it was you whose time had come. 1312 01:20:19,422 --> 01:20:21,982 We used to smoke basil together. 1313 01:20:22,292 --> 01:20:24,988 And you know, we'd get a natural high. 1314 01:20:25,462 --> 01:20:26,929 Smoked a lot too. 1315 01:20:27,430 --> 01:20:30,957 And he loved to yodel. Yodeling and magic... 1316 01:20:31,167 --> 01:20:32,293 ...that was his thing. 1317 01:20:32,502 --> 01:20:35,266 He always said if he could combine the two... 1318 01:20:35,472 --> 01:20:40,239 ...he would yodel from his grave. l know that's impossible. 1319 01:20:55,525 --> 01:20:56,651 lt's a miracle! 1320 01:21:22,285 --> 01:21:23,115 Hi, everybody. 1321 01:21:23,620 --> 01:21:26,646 l'm very touched that you all came to my funeral. 1322 01:21:26,856 --> 01:21:28,255 l know this must be a-- 1323 01:21:28,825 --> 01:21:29,655 Honey! 1324 01:21:31,861 --> 01:21:34,830 What happened? What's the matter, sweetheart? 1325 01:21:35,031 --> 01:21:36,328 What the hell is going on? 1326 01:21:36,533 --> 01:21:38,967 -You tell me. -Did we rehearse this scene? 1327 01:21:50,680 --> 01:21:51,977 What are you doing? 1328 01:21:52,182 --> 01:21:54,673 Have you completely lost your tiny mind? 1329 01:21:54,884 --> 01:21:58,342 -You forget, we're playing my game now. -Really? 1330 01:21:58,555 --> 01:22:01,524 l've got news for you. l'm the one holding all the cards. 1331 01:22:01,724 --> 01:22:03,214 l can prove you're a murderer. 1332 01:22:03,426 --> 01:22:05,951 l've got the whole ugly business on tape. 1333 01:22:06,162 --> 01:22:08,289 Au contraire. There was no murder. 1334 01:22:08,498 --> 01:22:11,763 But there was a conspiracy to murder, which l have on tape. 1335 01:22:14,103 --> 01:22:16,094 Honey, can you hear me? 1336 01:22:18,508 --> 01:22:21,443 -Everything's going to be all right. -Eddie shot you. 1337 01:22:21,644 --> 01:22:24,772 That was part of the plan. He was supposed to tell you. 1338 01:22:24,981 --> 01:22:26,972 We worked it out on the way to the lodge. 1339 01:22:27,617 --> 01:22:31,018 This is our first meeting... our second meeting.... 1340 01:22:32,322 --> 01:22:34,722 Here's something for you. Johnny Mathis. 1341 01:22:34,924 --> 01:22:36,516 To help you make it through the night. 1342 01:22:39,729 --> 01:22:40,889 And this file... 1343 01:22:41,164 --> 01:22:44,395 ...proves that my man is Abe Fielding. 1344 01:22:44,601 --> 01:22:46,466 Your man is dead! 1345 01:22:46,669 --> 01:22:48,569 Wrong again, Dibbsy. 1346 01:22:51,541 --> 01:22:53,873 What does that mean? What does ''bogazine'' mean? 1347 01:22:59,682 --> 01:23:01,445 We got to get out of here! 1348 01:23:03,753 --> 01:23:05,778 But l saw him lying in the morgue! 1349 01:23:05,989 --> 01:23:07,320 Eddie's got connections. 1350 01:23:07,524 --> 01:23:09,856 The morgue attendant owed him a favor. Right? 1351 01:23:10,059 --> 01:23:11,151 That's right. 1352 01:23:11,628 --> 01:23:13,152 Hello, everybody. 1353 01:23:13,363 --> 01:23:16,230 l know you must be confused about what's going on. 1354 01:23:16,699 --> 01:23:20,601 The important thing is that l'm back at the brewery... 1355 01:23:20,803 --> 01:23:24,239 ...and you're all in for a five-percent raise. 1356 01:23:27,043 --> 01:23:28,601 Don't listen. He's full of shit! 1357 01:23:33,249 --> 01:23:34,238 You all right? 1358 01:23:34,617 --> 01:23:35,447 Get me up! 1359 01:23:35,652 --> 01:23:37,210 Get me up right now! 1360 01:23:37,420 --> 01:23:39,183 You can't say we didn't try. 1361 01:23:40,056 --> 01:23:40,886 Cut him loose. 1362 01:23:41,090 --> 01:23:42,717 That man is an impostor! 1363 01:23:44,627 --> 01:23:46,254 Cut me out of this! 1364 01:23:46,529 --> 01:23:47,894 He's not Abe Fielding. 1365 01:23:48,097 --> 01:23:51,931 l knew Abe Fielding. Abe Fielding was a friend of mine. 1366 01:23:52,135 --> 01:23:55,002 And this man is not Abe Fielding. 1367 01:23:55,204 --> 01:23:58,071 But, Mr. Dibbs, you just eulogized him. You said: 1368 01:23:58,274 --> 01:24:00,868 -...''Abe, we hardly knew you--'' -Shut up. Sit down. 1369 01:24:01,678 --> 01:24:02,508 You! You! 1370 01:24:03,379 --> 01:24:07,406 Did you or did you not treat this man in your lunatic asylum? 1371 01:24:07,617 --> 01:24:10,142 Sanitarium! You told us he was Abe Fielding. 1372 01:24:10,353 --> 01:24:11,615 Right, but he's not! 1373 01:24:11,821 --> 01:24:15,086 l challenge anyone to say that he's Abe Fielding. 1374 01:24:15,291 --> 01:24:18,419 He's Abe Fielding! l've been his bookie for years. 1375 01:24:18,895 --> 01:24:19,862 Shut up! 1376 01:24:20,063 --> 01:24:23,055 He's one of our best friends. lsn't that right, honey? 1377 01:24:23,266 --> 01:24:24,790 -Not now, you idiot! -Wait. 1378 01:24:25,001 --> 01:24:26,491 l don't remember this scene. 1379 01:24:26,703 --> 01:24:29,763 Ladies and gentlemen, these people are merely actors. 1380 01:24:29,973 --> 01:24:30,962 Merely actors? 1381 01:24:31,174 --> 01:24:32,971 And not very good ones at that. 1382 01:24:33,176 --> 01:24:35,770 They're playing roles. They're being paid. 1383 01:24:41,484 --> 01:24:43,349 Point of order! 1384 01:24:46,089 --> 01:24:46,919 Help. 1385 01:24:48,658 --> 01:24:51,752 Ronald Reagan was merely an actor! 1386 01:24:56,833 --> 01:24:58,528 All right. Fine! 1387 01:24:59,769 --> 01:25:01,361 Are you the Equity deputy? 1388 01:25:03,039 --> 01:25:04,666 l don't know what to say. 1389 01:25:04,874 --> 01:25:07,672 l feel like such a fool. l'm sorry. l am. 1390 01:25:07,877 --> 01:25:09,504 l lost, you won. 1391 01:25:09,712 --> 01:25:11,145 Come on! 1392 01:25:11,347 --> 01:25:15,374 Let's bury the hatchet over a stein of Fielding in my-- your office. 1393 01:25:15,585 --> 01:25:17,485 -No, l don't-- -Don't be a spoilsport! 1394 01:25:17,687 --> 01:25:21,179 -We don't have time. -Abe or George, whatever.... 1395 01:25:21,858 --> 01:25:22,847 Listen, George-- 1396 01:25:27,664 --> 01:25:28,494 Run! Run! 1397 01:25:31,367 --> 01:25:33,062 He's going to kill him! 1398 01:25:33,302 --> 01:25:34,929 Bring the casket down here quick! 1399 01:25:35,138 --> 01:25:36,332 Come on, this way! 1400 01:25:43,179 --> 01:25:44,476 Onward! 1401 01:26:27,757 --> 01:26:29,019 This is my brewery. 1402 01:26:29,225 --> 01:26:31,785 l earned it! You wanted to be in beer? 1403 01:26:31,994 --> 01:26:33,188 Welcome to the business. 1404 01:26:33,596 --> 01:26:37,327 Dibbsy, l won't tell the police you tried to kill me! 1405 01:26:37,533 --> 01:26:38,693 The name is Mr. Dibbs! 1406 01:26:42,538 --> 01:26:43,402 Help! 1407 01:26:48,911 --> 01:26:50,401 Eddie, l'm down here! 1408 01:26:53,483 --> 01:26:54,814 Oh, God! 1409 01:27:22,445 --> 01:27:23,776 Get the valve! 1410 01:27:47,170 --> 01:27:50,799 Will somebody please tell me what's going on? 1411 01:28:03,119 --> 01:28:04,746 Boy, that was good beer! 1412 01:28:05,621 --> 01:28:06,883 Oh, honey! 1413 01:28:10,560 --> 01:28:11,686 Where's Dibbsy? 1414 01:28:12,695 --> 01:28:13,855 Guard! 1415 01:28:14,697 --> 01:28:15,857 Get him out. 1416 01:28:20,603 --> 01:28:21,729 He's not Fielding. 1417 01:28:21,938 --> 01:28:24,133 He's a liar. The man's a liar. 1418 01:28:25,675 --> 01:28:29,372 lf you lie about this, you'll be lying for the rest of your life! 1419 01:28:29,812 --> 01:28:31,074 Liar! 1420 01:28:37,086 --> 01:28:41,352 lf l don't tell the truth right now, will you ever believe me again? 1421 01:28:43,326 --> 01:28:44,850 l love you, George. 1422 01:28:48,097 --> 01:28:49,689 Walk like a man, George. 1423 01:28:52,768 --> 01:28:54,599 Don't do anything stupid! 1424 01:28:55,004 --> 01:28:56,733 We're pissing in tall cotton. 1425 01:28:59,675 --> 01:29:01,233 Sorry, everybody. 1426 01:29:02,245 --> 01:29:03,769 l want to tell you something. 1427 01:29:04,280 --> 01:29:07,147 Mr. Dibbs was telling the truth a little while ago. 1428 01:29:08,651 --> 01:29:10,516 l am a pathological liar. 1429 01:29:10,720 --> 01:29:14,212 l spent the last three years of my life in a sanitarium. 1430 01:29:14,423 --> 01:29:15,890 Shit, l'm broke. 1431 01:29:16,592 --> 01:29:21,359 l'm a Volvo dealer, and my name happens to be George. 1432 01:29:21,564 --> 01:29:25,728 -This Fielding's a beaut. -George. Get used to George. 1433 01:29:25,935 --> 01:29:28,961 George Washington, as a matter of fact. 1434 01:29:30,006 --> 01:29:33,203 Hey, everybody! Take the rest of the day off. 1435 01:29:33,843 --> 01:29:37,074 And forget about that five-percent raise when you come back. 1436 01:29:37,580 --> 01:29:39,548 lt'll be a ten-percent raise. 1437 01:29:57,466 --> 01:30:00,663 Stop fucking around! Okay, smile. 1438 01:30:00,870 --> 01:30:03,998 A little more. Great! 1439 01:30:15,418 --> 01:30:16,942 Can l have that card? 1440 01:30:17,153 --> 01:30:19,246 Thank you. And l need your lipstick. 1441 01:30:19,689 --> 01:30:22,920 l don't want to take a picture with no lipstick! 1442 01:30:23,592 --> 01:30:24,854 You'll like this one. 1443 01:30:25,061 --> 01:30:26,551 l don't want no lipstick. 1444 01:30:26,762 --> 01:30:30,357 They'll put me in a magazine. They'll take pictures. 1445 01:30:35,271 --> 01:30:36,898 Hey, what are you doing? 1446 01:30:37,840 --> 01:30:39,273 l don't like to be touched! 1447 01:30:39,475 --> 01:30:41,500 Just keep your hands off! 1448 01:30:42,011 --> 01:30:43,706 What's wrong with you? 1449 01:34:29,638 --> 01:34:33,039 Don't ever caII my friend a shithead again, okay?